tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55731870539635179602024-03-18T21:50:24.909-05:00Common VentsA grumpy sports and entertainment blog. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.comBlogger167125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-69803430981582871762013-07-17T10:40:00.001-05:002013-07-17T10:44:44.346-05:00Animal Odd Couples Review: So Cute You'll Probably Go Blind<i>Animal Odd Couples</i> is a PBS production that's currently streaming on Netflix. It examines the emerging field of cross-species relationships and highlights a handful of standouts. I watched it with Jess and, occasionally, our dog. Both are oddly infatuated with monkeys. It's 52 minutes long and is highly recommended whenever you need a reminder that life is okay sometimes. This is my review.
<br />
<h4>
Segment 1: Dog and Cheetah</h4>
<strong>Details:</strong> Busch Gardens; Williamsburg, Virginia. Mtani is a rescued female retriever. Kasi is an orphaned male cheetah.<br />
<br />
<strong>Review:</strong> 3 out of 4 breakdancing kittens <br /><br />
<strong>Summary:</strong> Dogs and cheetahs are apparently very close in their dispositions, social structures, and length of life. This inspired the pairing of a young cheetah and a puppy. The results have been inconclusive due to the fact that JUST KIDDING THEY ARE THE GREATEST FRIENDS EVER. <BR /><BR />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYmXOwxcQ6UoHWvwoTHDss4PhH-jt_nKxKlTCiOc0IaXeJss47DUwMok93lnl-Q83hFy0-HT1_dUR4ZCMPo7dWHmX0U6_zaKeXsm49hrLkKYyQ6Sl2AEIiF5OO7aOBZa0i3_aaVrh27uoK/s1600/Screen+shot+2013-07-17+at+10.32.50+AM.png" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" align="none" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYmXOwxcQ6UoHWvwoTHDss4PhH-jt_nKxKlTCiOc0IaXeJss47DUwMok93lnl-Q83hFy0-HT1_dUR4ZCMPo7dWHmX0U6_zaKeXsm49hrLkKYyQ6Sl2AEIiF5OO7aOBZa0i3_aaVrh27uoK/s400/Screen+shot+2013-07-17+at+10.32.50+AM.png" /></a>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI4oV0mYD4tNLs9lXH-g2Ss3auNLPmX0nbyAT38k9cfEZzbUDxs2Q65lybjsk2kjuG_b_3hcGIGjN3bK-xPGMwTM1f9uY5CjQInsL341hlFeoDHE4i5StlKNn82gTSjw_AOLid2FCOugf2/s1600/Screen+shot+2013-07-17+at+10.22.36+AM.png" imageanchor="1"><img align="none" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI4oV0mYD4tNLs9lXH-g2Ss3auNLPmX0nbyAT38k9cfEZzbUDxs2Q65lybjsk2kjuG_b_3hcGIGjN3bK-xPGMwTM1f9uY5CjQInsL341hlFeoDHE4i5StlKNn82gTSjw_AOLid2FCOugf2/s400/Screen+shot+2013-07-17+at+10.22.36+AM.png" /></a>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQPfPfJ4oGu9P4hVEp4TxxxILMcQroyAz_x5s9w7jvpNhYUvqxri9yWirfjaJIRXhrdv6axFiFiOk2P84-t2LRIHljq90Gv_9JYtNp4obTUtwOIZ38vuPQ7Idxf0mw4Cu4qdCYEu-VlP6A/s1600/Screen+shot+2013-07-17+at+10.34.38+AM.png" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" align="none" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQPfPfJ4oGu9P4hVEp4TxxxILMcQroyAz_x5s9w7jvpNhYUvqxri9yWirfjaJIRXhrdv6axFiFiOk2P84-t2LRIHljq90Gv_9JYtNp4obTUtwOIZ38vuPQ7Idxf0mw4Cu4qdCYEu-VlP6A/s400/Screen+shot+2013-07-17+at+10.34.38+AM.png" /></a><br /><br />
<strong>UPDATED REVIEW</strong> 7 out of 4 breakdancing kittens<br /><br />
I won't ruin the rest of it. Go watch when you need a boost. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-22504615842637259432013-07-11T15:40:00.000-05:002013-07-11T15:44:03.117-05:00Grown Ups 2: It exists, and it's all your fault<h2>
Grown Ups (2010)</h2>
<i>Grown Ups</i> pulled in a <a href="http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/grown_ups/" target="_blank">10% on Rotten Tomatoes</a> in 2010. Out of 162 tallied critic reviews, 16 liked the movie. It also had a production budget of $80M and <a href="http://www.boxofficemojo.com/movies/?id=grownups.htm" target="_blank">grossed $270M</a> at the worldwide box office. Thanks to you, you idiot, we're getting a sequel and quite possibly the apocalypse.
<br />
<h2>
How bad is Grown Ups 2? Here's the trailer.</h2>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/YhOWtVElqfw?rel=0" width="560"></iframe>
<br />
<h2>
Here's what some critics think.</h2>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj50N-gShEoYCn8DfQCdR_5Q_xrNgTB6h7b_-2Yq2GfXfKoD-vHF1OvrfKUWShdZTJmR48RC2U285ZIgUYHtbBOxOwqalAwZMT4koITQTEkqFK2zRxlvJlxXtQHQ6lzgR8oiH8U2kgwfqLI/s1600/Screen+shot+2013-07-11+at+3.20.41+PM.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="630" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj50N-gShEoYCn8DfQCdR_5Q_xrNgTB6h7b_-2Yq2GfXfKoD-vHF1OvrfKUWShdZTJmR48RC2U285ZIgUYHtbBOxOwqalAwZMT4koITQTEkqFK2zRxlvJlxXtQHQ6lzgR8oiH8U2kgwfqLI/s640/Screen+shot+2013-07-11+at+3.20.41+PM.png" title="Linda Barnard wins" width="640" /></a>
<br />
<h3>
But it doesn't matter because you'll see it anyway. Can't wait for Grown Ups 3!</h3>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDRJfhrqQSwdpErQi28CfaQMc9RAc53fe7NLvPV9LJuTLjxiPlU7tmDaCJnj-X-c6JUzC-rGQL9BmmXCIhstDpSGkUCwsu-mSNRVackKPNAUXkEK9ph5vilkvbioryG-yfHabRDX4JYPSg/s1600/Screen+shot+2013-07-11+at+3.24.28+PM.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDRJfhrqQSwdpErQi28CfaQMc9RAc53fe7NLvPV9LJuTLjxiPlU7tmDaCJnj-X-c6JUzC-rGQL9BmmXCIhstDpSGkUCwsu-mSNRVackKPNAUXkEK9ph5vilkvbioryG-yfHabRDX4JYPSg/s640/Screen+shot+2013-07-11+at+3.24.28+PM.png" title="Despair" width="640" /></a>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-88977241277162329002013-07-03T12:13:00.001-05:002013-07-03T12:13:41.597-05:00One Millionth Car Crash! Big Winner!<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/1mA7BbliyL8?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/dan.bardin.9?fref=ts"><b>Dan Bardin</b></a> sent this to me. He is a <b><a href="http://commonvents.blogspot.com/2012/08/dan-bardin-thread-murderer.html">Facebook legend.</a></b>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-83693111467461946672013-07-03T12:06:00.000-05:002013-07-03T12:06:12.305-05:001993 Mets Win World Series? Part 1: Todd Hundley Roid RageI am attempting to win the World Series in <em>Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball</em> with the 1993 New York Mets, who finished that season 59-103, worst in baseball.
Griffey Baseball is one of my favorite video games ever. The gameplay holds up, but on top of that, it was released just before baseball changed forever. Consider the following: <br />
<br />
1. There were 4 divisions with 7 teams each in 1993. Each division winner made the playoffs. There was no wild card playoff spot. When you start a season in this game, you can choose to align the league as it was in 1993, or you can select the "1994 proposed format." Amazing.<br />
<br />
2. As a swan song to the old guard, the 1993 San Francisco Giants won 103 games in the NL West and <em>did not make the playoffs.</em> They had the MVP (Barry Bonds) and the manager of the year (Dusty Baker), but had the awful luck of finishing a game behind the Atlanta Braves. The Braves in the NL West! Adorable!<br />
<br />
3. The very next year was the 1994 strike. On pace that year to meet in the World Series? The Chicago White Sox and the Montreal Expos. The Expos were absolutely stacked, with Pedro Martinez, Moises Alou, Larry Walker, and John Wetteland. I would argue the strike shattered a lot of the lore surrounding baseball and allowed the NFL to push ahead in the national spotlight.<br />
<br />
4. Finally, this game was pre-steroids discussion. But steroids sent baseballs over the wall, put butts in the seats, and saved the game, so let's move on.<br />
<br />
<h3>
Game 1: San Diego Padres at New York Mets</h3>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA5O8xJJsjpjK2blVHr-c_tTQxuNs5tL8R2mrzPRSnIBf3r1-XNtVp0yAVdiN9w3zE7XmFfYhm03051D0-ShbKa6hnKTuEmsqzHHy2r_weWdad0ILDRE2M9H-IrPmAK2ErEHmWHxjvMUEt/s501/Screen+shot+2013-07-03+at+11.24.18+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA5O8xJJsjpjK2blVHr-c_tTQxuNs5tL8R2mrzPRSnIBf3r1-XNtVp0yAVdiN9w3zE7XmFfYhm03051D0-ShbKa6hnKTuEmsqzHHy2r_weWdad0ILDRE2M9H-IrPmAK2ErEHmWHxjvMUEt/s320/Screen+shot+2013-07-03+at+11.24.18+AM.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Killer photography.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Dwight Gooden got off to a rocky start, allowing 2 runs in the first to the lowly Padres, but he settled down enough to scatter 3 runs and 9 hits over 8 innings. Even better news: I didn't see him do coke once! Way to go, Doc.<br />
<br />
Todd Hundley went completely bananas, smashing 3 home runs, a double, and collecting 5 RBIs. TODD HUNDLEY IS ON STEROIDS.<br />
<br />
Updates on my quest to make the 1993 Mets World Series champs will follow. To close, here's a little bit of personal history. When Griffey Baseball released in 1994, I was 11 years old. To keep me from wasting my life away, my parents housed the Super Nintendo at Grandma's house in Wheeling, IL. I have tons of memories of visiting G Unit and rattling off a handful of Griffey games (they take under a half hour to complete) before heading to the pool for the day.<br />
<br />
Grandma died in April 2013. She was a voracious reader, a huge sports fan, and a dynamite lady. One of my favorite conversations with her:<br />
<br />
<strong>Grandma:</strong> [sees Luke doctoring his coffee]<br />
<strong>Grandma:</strong> You should drink black coffee.<br />
<strong>Luke:</strong> ?<br />
<strong>Grandma:</strong> I used to put cream and sugar in mine. Then I switched to black and all the boys wanted to date me.
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-74505173872980532702013-05-01T11:04:00.002-05:002013-05-01T11:04:58.369-05:004 Legendary Baseball Players: May 2013<strong>Disclaimer:</strong> The Legendary Players series cares next to nothing about fielding prowess, leadership ability, or clubhouse chemistry. It cares only about the guys who are mashing so hard, you'll probably go blind. Oh, and it only factors in the past 7 days of batting statistics.
<h3>First Base/DH: Adam Dunn, Chicago White Sox</h3>
<strong>Mashing?</strong> Mashing. Past 6 games: .316 AVG, .500 OBP, .842 SLG, 3 HR, 6 RBI<br />
<strong>Projected 162 game season:</strong> .316/.500/.842, 81 HR, 162 RBI<br />
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>when i start adam dunn he strikes out 3 times, and when i sit him, he hits homeruns. fuck this guy.</p>— Alex Fabian (@afabs33) <a href="https://twitter.com/afabs33/status/329433169583538176">May 1, 2013</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Adam Dunn sucks a fat one</p>— Tyler Cavazos (@CavazosTyler) <a href="https://twitter.com/CavazosTyler/status/327139585689800704">April 24, 2013</a></blockquote>
<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>
<strong>Know who doesn't care? Adam Dunn.</strong> "Oh, boo hoo, Adam Dunn sucks. All he does is mash." Knock it off. I didn't want to tell you this, but Adam Dunn is making $15M this season. That may be hard to comprehend, so let's put it this way: it's $92,590 per game. Does Adam Dunn care about his stats? He does not. 4 strikeouts today? $92K. 3 home runs today? $92K. Hating on Adam Dunn? Learn to mash, son.<br />
<h3>Second Base: Omar Infante, Detroit Tigers</h3>
<strong>lol huh?</strong> I'm serious. Past 7 games: .440 AVG, .840 SLG, 2 HR, 5 RBI, 1 SB<br />
<strong>Projected 162:</strong> .440/.840, 46 HR, 116 RBI, 23 SB<br />
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Omar infante better hope I don't see him on the streets <a href="https://twitter.com/search/%23longleggedpissedoffpuertorican">#longleggedpissedoffpuertorican</a> <a href="http://t.co/Eee3IHGG0t" title="http://twitter.com/TrentWaddell31/status/329278765664444416/photo/1">twitter.com/TrentWaddell31…</a></p>— Trent Waddell (@TrentWaddell31) <a href="https://twitter.com/TrentWaddell31/status/329278765664444416">April 30, 2013</a></blockquote>
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<strong>Doesn't he hit 9th?</strong> Yes. To be fair, this could be because Jim Leyland doesn't know you can change lineups now. What an age we live in! You know who should be hitting 9th in Detroit? <a target="_blank" href="http://commonvents.blogspot.com/2013/04/5-bad-baseball-players-april-2013.html">Victor Martinez.</a><br />
<h3>Catcher: Russell Martin, Pittsburgh Pirates</h3>
<strong>How hard is he mashing?</strong> Past 6 games: .346 AVG, .885 SLG, 4 HR, 7 RBI<br />
<strong>Projected 162:</strong> 108 HR, 189 RBI<br />
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Russell Martin 2-Run HR sucks to suck Yankees fans</p>— Justin Blumish (@TheBlumAndOnly) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheBlumAndOnly/status/328617123943415808">April 28, 2013</a></blockquote>
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<strong>More on the best catcher of all time:</strong> Russell Martin is the guy you'd love to bring home to meet your daughter if you weren't so afraid he'd mash her into oblivion. You see that .346 AVG in the last 6 games? You know what else is .346 in that span? His on base percentage. YOU DO NOT WALK RUSSELL MARTIN. HE WILL SWING AT BALL FOUR AS MANY TIMES AS HE WANTS. TRY TO WALK HIM. DO IT.<br />
<h3>Outfield: Nate McLouth, Baltimore Orioles</h3>
<strong>What?</strong> Past 6: .522 AVG, .913 SLG, 2 HR, 7 RBI, 11 R, like 80 SBs<br />
<strong>Projected 162:</strong> .522/.913, 54 HR, 189 RBI, 297 R, like 2,160 SBs<br />
<strong>Does he start against lefties?</strong> No. <br />
<strong>Why not?</strong> Look, he killed a lefty in the minor leagues. He doesn't like to talk about it, but JUST KIDDING HE WILL TOTALLY TALK ABOUT IT.<br />
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>GIFs: Nate McLouth Air Mails A Throw To Third, Then Apologizes <a href="http://t.co/SguHM9aYqL" title="http://dlvr.it/3JkrTY">dlvr.it/3JkrTY</a></p>— BalSportsReport (@BalSportsReport) <a href="https://twitter.com/BalSportsReport/status/329553292805951488">May 1, 2013</a></blockquote>
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<strong>Fun Fact:</strong> That GIF doesn't tell the whole story. McLouth apologized for not throwing the ball out of the stadium as he intended. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-27457625224716195882013-04-16T21:28:00.000-05:002013-04-16T21:36:39.492-05:005 Bad Baseball Players - April 2013<strong>Disclaimer:</strong> This series is only concerned with fantasy baseball categories spanning the past two weeks of play.
<br />
<h3>
5th Most Bad: Victor Martinez - C, Detroit Tigers</h3>
<b>Numbers:</b> .158 AVG, 0 HR, 4 RBI, 1 R, 0 SB .425 OPS<br />
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
@<a href="https://twitter.com/tigers">tigers</a> OMG VICTOR MARTINEZ SUCKS<br />
— John Cena (@JohnCena1Fan101) <a href="https://twitter.com/JohnCena1Fan101/status/322946047758462977">April 13, 2013</a></blockquote>
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<h3>
4th Most Bad: Giancarlo Stanton, OF, Miami Marlins</h3>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a alt="giancarlo stanton home run" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtoIwcdMhs2ff_GhAmJiwmqLhXo67S7qBEceJnlAWdZRmPZkijJx-89eKqP7v_X_8dvmV_tUeJ7HrUQoxhxLTJveibQocqnhBFvqr4jUMIRN4hLRGnxIWqNVFmD2VjbD9jDgLL_hWbUdYm/s1600/stanton.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Miami Pizza Huts"><img border="0" height="135" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtoIwcdMhs2ff_GhAmJiwmqLhXo67S7qBEceJnlAWdZRmPZkijJx-89eKqP7v_X_8dvmV_tUeJ7HrUQoxhxLTJveibQocqnhBFvqr4jUMIRN4hLRGnxIWqNVFmD2VjbD9jDgLL_hWbUdYm/s200/stanton.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Face: Intense. Shoulder Status: Ouchie Boo Boo Times.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Numbers:</b> .154 AVG, 0 HR, 0 RBI, 1 R, 0 SB, 11 K in 26 AB<br />
<br />
<b>Why So Bad?</b> Stanton has been battling a shoulder injury, which has apparently been restrictive enough that the guy who hits 500 foot bombs is currently being praised for hitting balls to the warning track. Even worse? His terrible numbers are all pre-shoulder injury. Worst of all? He plays for Miami, a team that's drawing 19,000 fans per game. (2nd worst in MLB) Gonna be a rough year. I want no part of any Marlins this season. Stanton included.
<br />
<h3>
3rd Most Bad: Matt Cain - SP, San Francisco Giants</h3>
<b>Numbers: </b> 0 W, 1 L, 8 K, 9.28 ERA, 1.69 WHIP
<br />
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<a href="https://twitter.com/search/%23Tuesdayjoke">#Tuesdayjoke</a>: 'Go home Matt Cain, you're drunk.' . @<a href="https://twitter.com/sfgiants">sfgiants</a>(Giants v. Brewers tonight at 5:10pm) <a href="https://twitter.com/search/%23gogiants">#gogiants</a> <a href="http://t.co/gN9crrzZep" title="http://twitter.com/taximagic_SF/status/324276127952666624/photo/1">twitter.com/taximagic_SF/s…</a><br />
— Taxi Magic SF (@taximagic_SF) <a href="https://twitter.com/taximagic_SF/status/324276127952666624">April 16, 2013</a></blockquote>
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<h3>
2nd Most Bad: Josh Johnson, SP, Toronto Blue Jays</h3>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF0dOFEzYgeHdfypwXyi6xsVapcfZ9cClUAKbSEnR0yYXrWpRsjTUiCo_ZLQMOBgqtWx4GHPWPTN8m1mJr7agqUndh4B1OkGR-mhBPQn1-SZfGq1N5XBe0JkXE159pSMsea3x5XGk8F279/s1600/johnson.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="147" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF0dOFEzYgeHdfypwXyi6xsVapcfZ9cClUAKbSEnR0yYXrWpRsjTUiCo_ZLQMOBgqtWx4GHPWPTN8m1mJr7agqUndh4B1OkGR-mhBPQn1-SZfGq1N5XBe0JkXE159pSMsea3x5XGk8F279/s200/johnson.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here you go, Victor!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Numbers:</b> 0 W, 1 L, 7 K, 11.05 ERA, 2.73 WHIP<br />
<br />
<b>Why So Bad?</b> Johnson has a quality start under his belt and is still the hot deuce in April. Not easy to do. But when you allow 6 earned in just over an inning to Victor Martinez and company, welcome to the list. His average fastball is getting closer and closer to dipping under 92 MPH. He's projected to throw around 150 innings and win 7 games this year. Injury prone AND decreasing velocity? Where do I sign??
<br />
<h3>
1st Most Bad: Jason Kipnis, 2B, Cleveland Indians</h3>
<b>Numbers:</b> .125 AVG, 0 HR, 2 RBI, 1 R, 0 SB, .390 OPS<br />
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
Jason Kipnis? More like Hey Son, Kiss This. <a href="https://twitter.com/search/%23fantasyadvice">#fantasyadvice</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/search/%23guru">#guru</a><br />
— Luke Trayser (@TrukeLayser) <a href="https://twitter.com/TrukeLayser/status/323875583278870528">April 15, 2013</a></blockquote>
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Yes, I just embedded my own tweet. On a related note, <b><a href="http://twitter.com/trukelayser" target="_blank">follow me on Twitter.</a></b>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-85782144821388953752013-04-02T13:51:00.002-05:002013-04-02T15:55:09.177-05:00We need to talk about this Carhartt commercial<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/3u1aZpuwXfo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br /><br />
<h3>Conflicting Feelings I Get When Watching This Commercial</h3>
<h4>1. I want to build enduring structures, then immediately tear them down.</h4>
How badly do you want to go destroy something right now? I'm so jacked up, I can't even see straight. I just tried to rip my Equaline Instant Hand Sanitizer in half, but plastic is pretty strong. I might stand up and find some scissors later to finish the job.<br /><br />
I don't just want to destroy things. Oddly enough, I'm now filled with an intense desire to take a bunch of materials and use them to make one larger material. What is this feeling? Is my brain bleeding? This is not normal. <br /><br />
By the way, when it says THIS SHIRT HAS TO BUILD STADIUMS, NOT PLAY IN THEM the one guy with the arms is swinging the sledgehammer like a baseball bat. Wonderful editing.
<h4>2. I like girls and am married to one, but that one guy with the arms seems nice.</h4>
Look at that guy and his arms. I want to be friends with him and them. I want him to drop that sledgehammer and carry me away to safety. I shouldn't be in this crumbling structure that you're so capably destroying! Save me!
<h4>3. I want one of these shirts but am not allowed to have one.</h4>
Carhartt's checkout process requires you to kill a forest-dwelling mammal and to get one tattoo on your arm and one on your calf. Oh and speaking of calfs, I thought it was a little odd when I was told (just after entering my billing information) that before my shirt would be shipped, I had to nurse a calf to adulthood and then, and I quote, "consume it." Slightly offputting.<br /><br />
One final note: The line<br /><br />
YOU CAN LEAVE THE CITY WHEN IT GETS HOT<br />
WE'RE GOING TO STAY AND BUILD IT.<br /><br />
is so, so good.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-63945625418906222522013-04-01T16:26:00.004-05:002013-04-01T16:28:33.454-05:00Carlos Marmol Trade Watch: Opening Day and All is Lost<i>I play fantasy baseball. It sucks. I have Carlos Marmol on my team. He sucks. Dan Bardin has Kyuji Fujikawa on his team. He's okay. This is the ongoing saga of a surely futile endeavor to make a trade happen.</i> <br />
<br />
April 1, 2013. The Chicago Cubs recently secured an Opening Day victory over the Pittsburgh Pirates. The final score was 3-1. Anthony Rizzo did great things. The Cubs are undefeated. But it doesn't matter because CARLOS MARMOL IS RUINING MY LIFE A THIRD OF AN INNING AT A TIME.<BR /><BR /> He started the 9th and tried to lock up the save. LOL at that. I wasn't watching because MLB TV blacks out local games (classy!), but I assume he was throwing left handed in an effort to lower his trade value even further. He got one man out, allowed one run across, and left two on base when he departed. <br />
<br />
Kyuji Fujikawa got the save instead. Of course he did. Dan Bardin: let's make a deal.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicqYB61dJ4_OvAGaWyCQjEK85gF1vgH1TEepciiZLb0P0bS7slrCvDEYv6yLplMvgOE91wwRIOfS0xFhqDhtHNEL7egpsdifJA6sgYIOlv_s__g06xe_8KiIVCTqXdlQEJwLevWMsVQSOB/s1600/Screen+shot+2013-04-01+at+4.21.28+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="carlos marmol trade" border="0" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicqYB61dJ4_OvAGaWyCQjEK85gF1vgH1TEepciiZLb0P0bS7slrCvDEYv6yLplMvgOE91wwRIOfS0xFhqDhtHNEL7egpsdifJA6sgYIOlv_s__g06xe_8KiIVCTqXdlQEJwLevWMsVQSOB/s640/Screen+shot+2013-04-01+at+4.21.28+PM.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">DAN BARDIN: ACCEPT THIS TRADE PROPOSAL. HAVE YOU NO DECENCY?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /><br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-36429715670844829502013-03-13T12:46:00.001-05:002013-03-13T12:47:56.024-05:00Killer dolphins! Volcano lightning! (Today on Flipboard)<em>There's a mobile app called <a href="http://flipboard.com/" target="_blank">Flipboard</a> that pulls in stories from around the world in a visually stunning way. You should download it. Here are some stories that were on my board today. My opinions do not reflect anyone else's because I am an idiot.</em>
<br />
<h4>
STORY NUMERO UNO</h4>
<a href="http://www.theatlanticwire.com/global/2013/03/ukraine-might-have-military-trained-killer-dolphins-might-have-escaped/63036/" target="_blank">Ukraine Might Have Trained 'Killer' Dolphins That Might Have Escaped</a><br />
<i>Might have</i> trained? <i>Might have</i> escaped? Pffff. I am not scared. <br />
<br />
<h4>
STORY NUMERO DOS</h4>
<a href="http://www.popsci.com/science/article/2013-03/trained-attack-dolphins-head-mounted-guns-are-loose" target="_blank">Trained Soviet Attack Dolphins With Head-Mounted Guns Are On The Loose</a><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwjyzfJ-MtRXKEXY8L_Gqlk2dBLj90rJsZCNwzVYj9cwoq1Y3xu_ITkhmZpofJ1py1hp8RZGCZlooXwLTT-R4QCrTNoryXgVmZmQjUUid7O_g7aq5fbblZlSTjBjkEcZC-PD3x9Tyk5-lE/s1600/Screen+shot+2013-03-13+at+12.29.41+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img align="left" alt="killer dolphin has gun" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwjyzfJ-MtRXKEXY8L_Gqlk2dBLj90rJsZCNwzVYj9cwoq1Y3xu_ITkhmZpofJ1py1hp8RZGCZlooXwLTT-R4QCrTNoryXgVmZmQjUUid7O_g7aq5fbblZlSTjBjkEcZC-PD3x9Tyk5-lE/s320/Screen+shot+2013-03-13+at+12.29.41+PM.png" title="QUICKSCOPE" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">QUICKSCOPE</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
You now have my attention. It should be said that the ambiguity in story numero uno is for good reason. It's not clear if the Ukraine trained killer dolphins. And if they did, it's not clear if the dolphins were armed when they escaped. <br /><br />
Regardless, I think it's great that Ukraine uses Treehouse of Horror episodes of <i>The Simpsons</i> as a national defense strategy. If you're a Ukrainian groundskeeper named Willie, you should probably flee. Your death is imminent.<br /><br />
<h4>STORY NUMERO TRES</h4>
<a target="_blank" href="http://www.popsci.com/science/article/2013-03/trained-attack-dolphins-head-mounted-guns-are-loose">Terrifying Volcanic Lightning Photographed by Martin Rietze</a><br />
Just look at those photos.
<h4>VIDEO NUMERO UNO</H4>
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/2Gv1EskBVcI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Here's Ricky Rubio doing Ricky Rubio things. Derrick Rose and whoever is influencing him to stay off the court should pay attention here. Remember when Rubio first came back from his ACL injury? He looked bad. Not himself. Yesterday? First career triple double, and that silky smooth double-behind-the-back hesitation move on top of it.<br /><br />
The next step in Rose's rehab is to play games. He's not going to get to 100% by doing nothing but practicing. He needs to get on the court. End of Chicago rant.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-25463052012288576712013-03-12T14:27:00.001-05:002013-03-12T14:28:54.757-05:00Mississippi to keep its children fat and stupid<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4jQPs2639MD9N4GkF8iLZFDG1ygMWR03FQtbEUQ1RnYub4kYLuzs5ybjPFiWcb4IFjB6hI2JP7J9AtujywvbmOrXIlfShAYp51dBtpszUwwYq6CFU8bVkOu2ZrEK2ipBixDF3Z8mbmiMZ/s1600/Screen+shot+2013-03-12+at+2.13.31+PM.png" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" alt="anti bloomberg" title="Pictured: Miss Mississippi" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4jQPs2639MD9N4GkF8iLZFDG1ygMWR03FQtbEUQ1RnYub4kYLuzs5ybjPFiWcb4IFjB6hI2JP7J9AtujywvbmOrXIlfShAYp51dBtpszUwwYq6CFU8bVkOu2ZrEK2ipBixDF3Z8mbmiMZ/s320/Screen+shot+2013-03-12+at+2.13.31+PM.png" /></a><br />
Here are some facts about The Hospitality State.<br /><br />
Its nickname is The Hospitality State. I ruined that surprise. My bad.<br />
Its state flag is wonderfully Confederate.<br />
Its state bird is the mockingbird. <br />
Its capital city is Jackson.<br />
It is the fattest state in the country, and it's a bottom-five place to educate your kids.<br /><br />
You can thank the state's priorities for the education fact. South Dakota is the only state that pays its teachers less than the $40,000 Mississippi teachers get per year. But rest assured, Mississippians! Your kids will be chubby and lethargic while they're receiving their schooling.<br /><br />
It all started with Mayor Michael Bloomberg in New York City. His plan to limit the size of soft drinks was pooped upon by a judge and a gavel. Mississippi politicians, evidently feeling the reverberations of the Bloomberg Bill in their fat little cankles, moved as quickly as their 110 BPM resting heart rates would allow.<br /><br />
The Anti-Bloomberg Bill (not making it up; that's seriously its name) bars counties and towns from passing legislation requiring restaurants to post calorie counts. It also bars caps on portion sizes. You know, because it's not like <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/13/health/global-burden-report" target="_blank" >obesity is a bigger health crisis than hunger</a> or anything.<br /><br />
The Anti-Bloomberg Bill is expected to be signed by Governor Phil Bryant after waddling through the Mississippi House to the tune of a 50 to 1 vote. The lone naysayer, by the way, was executed and eaten. <br /><br />
My favorite quote comes from one Representative Gregory Holloway. <br /><br />
<em>"Rep. Gregory Holloway, a Democrat, ushered the popular bill through the state House. He says the goal is to create consistency in nutrition laws across the state. "We don't want local municipalities experimenting with labeling of foods and any organic agenda. We want that authority to rest with the legislature," Holloway says."</em><br /><br />
Organic agenda.<br /><br />
You can practically see him giving an under-the-table to ADM and Cargill. Mayor Bloomberg, keep your hands off this man's processed foods.<br /><br />
Rep. Holloway can be emailed at gholloway@house.ms.govAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-30484660469734425322012-08-10T11:29:00.001-05:002012-08-10T11:33:55.551-05:00Dan Bardin, Thread MurdererIt is my sincere hope that this blog post pops up on page 1 of Google for the phrase "Dan Bardin." Here's a bit about Dan Bardin if you do not know him.<br />
<ol>
<li>He is one of my besties.</li>
<li>He ruins threads.</li>
</ol>
That's about it! For proof, please see the below screencap.
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ie=UTF-8#hl=en&output=search&sclient=psy-ab&q=dan%20bardin&oq=&gs_l=&pbx=1&fp=1&biw=1461&bih=1032&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.r_qf.&cad=b" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="dan bardin" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGgeQ_eSBXDt-IsTLkJ-2m86dGHnXoVM__A62Fi2nBx5-n-SPjRpbq56o7jTKXu592Z3Y2M9Q_iTCN_2h7GbxlVtl5u0QIlCh04ObnQt-Tgheb1wZoTRZptTsfC7XfAV_vpjDJvVvzVV1e/s1600/Picture+17.png" title="thread murder" /></a></div>
<div>
You'll notice I removed one of Dan Bardin's comments. Actually, I removed three of them. He had already ruthlessly murdered the thread, but he also felt the need to punch it in the face a few timres. It was ugly.<br />
<br />
So I deleted those comments. Wonderfully, it also asks if I'd like to:
<br />
<ul>
<li>Undo it? No thanks.</li>
<li>Report as abusive? A bit extreme. Pass. </li>
<li>Block Dan Bardin? But he's my bestie!</li>
<li>Give Dan Bardin feedback? I can do that.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">DAN BARDIN. STOP MURDERING THREADS. YOU SUCK.</span></div>
</div>
<div>
p.s. Please alert me when you start job hunting. I will remove this post. Because it's totally going to page 1 of Google.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-51395105487391918802010-04-29T16:31:00.000-05:002010-04-29T16:31:06.156-05:00If I only had 30 seconds to prove Nicolas Cage is the best actor of his generation......I would give you this clip.<br />
<br />
<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/KOpsbAUEe90&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/KOpsbAUEe90&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-87978109024591208402010-04-27T14:25:00.001-05:002010-04-27T14:26:01.384-05:00Two Great Videos & The Happiest Rodent EverBecause Tuesdays are totally the new Mondays, most of you could probably use a pick-me-up. So I'll stop being a ranting, raving doucheplatoon for one day and spread some happy.<br />
<br />
<h4>1. Sassy Gay Friend Does Othello</h4>Two very different yet very awesome videos today. First up we've got Sassy Gay Friend. This guy has torn apart Romeo & Juliet and Hamlet already and both are awesome, but this Othello performance is on another level. <br />
<br />
<object height="340" width="560"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/LKttq6EUqbE&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/LKttq6EUqbE&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object><br />
<br />
<h4>2. Video proof that Bango is the NBA's best mascot</h4>This is just the best. While Bango is backflipping off a 20-foot ladder, dunking, and not dying, an hour to the south Benny the Bull is taking kids' shoes and sitting his fat ass on people. Benny and Bango: practically twins!!<br />
<br />
<object height="340" width="560"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/q3umtw179KA&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/q3umtw179KA&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object><br />
<br />
<h4>3. The Happiest Rodent Ever</h4>Since the two people who read this blog are my mom and that one guy from high school, chances are you've already seen this photo, as I've spammed half of my email contacts with it. But in case you haven't, here you go. This little guy may have a bit of a mouth on him, but you cannot possibly fault his passion.<br />
<br />
<a target="_blank" href="http://thechive.com/2010/04/09/captions-making-funny-photos-hilarious-26-photos/?obref=obinsite" title="You sure do, little fella" alt="hamster" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDbdmuSoTg1XbSY0KGSVx7n1ebCbYqX2rekTsgCgaThBVAzmOoTLJcgvE1n39SHbpYXIc_X0MYm85_wKFDDkCxDNu1W8yMj9EkSMLinc6IFLq3VpMRLnV1w5LZ8EaiL-iv-L73_wZVcUsF/s640/TEMP-Image_1_17.jpg" width="497" /></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-26273592740920875342010-04-26T15:45:00.001-05:002010-04-26T15:45:39.877-05:00Happy Boobquake Day! Also, Two Reasons I'm Quitting Twitter<a alt="boobquake day" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkifalCZM3ZBozQoIWyMxleWkvCNrJg1VmZWOiwvpp_9OM29H-XfasChn5qtt-WxWrsHunu0DK8CNDunAvUhRLTkGgzCc1tPVtXojhI9PWcVCL0V-Leky9MV_Twle6Nz8Wvp3581imva57/s1600/2939420.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank" title="Oh. Well, that's a shame."><img border="0" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkifalCZM3ZBozQoIWyMxleWkvCNrJg1VmZWOiwvpp_9OM29H-XfasChn5qtt-WxWrsHunu0DK8CNDunAvUhRLTkGgzCc1tPVtXojhI9PWcVCL0V-Leky9MV_Twle6Nz8Wvp3581imva57/s320/2939420.jpg" width="320" /></a>Today is National (Global?) Boobquake Day, inspired by the knowledge of a Middle Eastern cleric. He has the inside scoop on what causes earthquakes. It's not seismic waves in the Earth's crust, as "science" would lead you to believe. The Iranian media quoted Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi as saying:<br />
<br />
<blockquote>"Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes."</blockquote><br />
I've never seen a quote that went from wise to batshit insane so quickly. Exposed women lead young men astray? Sure, I can see that. They corrupt their chastity and spread adultery? Well, okay, maybe a little sexist, but I catch your drift. This behavior increases earthquakes?<br />
<br />
Wait. What?<br />
<br />
So to determine once and for all if this theory holds water, a blogger in West Lafayette (pictured above, I think) has declared today to be Boobquake day. Facebook group <b><a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Boobquake/115608248460905?v=info#%21/pages/Boobquake/115608248460905?v=info">here</a></b>.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><b>Reason #1 I'm Quitting Twitter: I'll never top this tweet.</b><br />
<br />
<a alt="twitter win" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz-xNrS87Qgy4_FIm3kpS5fzWqutYP5oSE0AVmiye9l4W3Dnnqi5zl7czYUSHgFohraPBCkJwGgcwIYG-WtYztwUVdjwwIemu58i-qTgh_Ii7s0JzEvkUIxXXk2L3rn9uwp_b3s9yEQs7s/s1600/Picture+14.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank" title="I am wittier than Bobby Witt"><img border="0" height="77" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz-xNrS87Qgy4_FIm3kpS5fzWqutYP5oSE0AVmiye9l4W3Dnnqi5zl7czYUSHgFohraPBCkJwGgcwIYG-WtYztwUVdjwwIemu58i-qTgh_Ii7s0JzEvkUIxXXk2L3rn9uwp_b3s9yEQs7s/s400/Picture+14.png" width="400" /></a><br />
<br />
<b>Reason #2 I'm Quitting Twitter: TOO MANY MEANIES</b><br />
<br />
If you have a Twitter account, you likely have occasional "Wait, why am I following this person?" moments. Here's one of those cases for me. Instead of trying to sum up the utter pointlessness of this guy's updates, here's a screen cap of what he's posted simply in the last day.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5jubURLwIWJSrtm6r_M10NXgzDuPisA8tmiLEXmaxQx9X-AU3BNMtOVXRIxw_NtD1ZRiAG5_3zrkPzr4kEkyf-BCkzHkNIBDfXZFgatxLcyzvUXs4LxE5Fe_-XP1oYA1HfXvXo4R-V0Pp/s1600/Picture+16.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="twitter fail" border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5jubURLwIWJSrtm6r_M10NXgzDuPisA8tmiLEXmaxQx9X-AU3BNMtOVXRIxw_NtD1ZRiAG5_3zrkPzr4kEkyf-BCkzHkNIBDfXZFgatxLcyzvUXs4LxE5Fe_-XP1oYA1HfXvXo4R-V0Pp/s400/Picture+16.png" title="Hey Baby Boo: You snagged yourself a winner" width="286" /></a><br />
<br />
So I sent this guy the following:<br />
<br />
<a target="_blank" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCKpK-IaPu54sQ2NDgiknoAtKaXeqfL-SO5iANj6Vx0oXeaKTImNRmeOF2Vkeb6r6ULX5XlodYuVYfcjKd3g8O85dti1bs13qEj2EPrRlZpa7k4-McKEUJf6jXEn0Q1plobmuSnZrY83TD/s1600/Picture+17.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="72" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCKpK-IaPu54sQ2NDgiknoAtKaXeqfL-SO5iANj6Vx0oXeaKTImNRmeOF2Vkeb6r6ULX5XlodYuVYfcjKd3g8O85dti1bs13qEj2EPrRlZpa7k4-McKEUJf6jXEn0Q1plobmuSnZrY83TD/s400/Picture+17.png" width="400" /></a><br />
<br />
His reply:<br />
<br />
<a target="_blank" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKSVXDyaAHX2XIJvdFZXTB5bHFnpzin4okBJVpqg7iVjZI26Aj8Gk_n6tWJqraDSjQpTAqE21oBElpEfRJhSGTQ4j3zQwTbf6j_gV8WrrS4U1SCUZLwA2wmBakid_e4_z3Oo6Cvmld5YeW/s1600/Picture+15.png" alt="twitter lol" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="66" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKSVXDyaAHX2XIJvdFZXTB5bHFnpzin4okBJVpqg7iVjZI26Aj8Gk_n6tWJqraDSjQpTAqE21oBElpEfRJhSGTQ4j3zQwTbf6j_gV8WrrS4U1SCUZLwA2wmBakid_e4_z3Oo6Cvmld5YeW/s400/Picture+15.png" width="400" /></a><br />
<br />
So I'll be canceling my Twitter account just as soon as my tears clear up enough to let me see my monitor.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-77052291503211711152010-04-21T13:47:00.003-05:002010-04-21T13:51:54.882-05:00An NFL Rant: This Has Ben On My Mind for a While<a alt="roethlisberger drunk" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiug4JUejTp7bMpjvQDdnv7DsSSpihRfYTCbh2JNEnJZpyyPoqbHGdA0Qj3wZFiHy_enK8P64PxqggLI3gV8tq-CxR7aRIhlXMxqHpJZL1QXV090AqZ_4cE3v6XxIt1-Sk5JgRj9uwgivTA/s1600/ben-roethlisberger-drunk-steelcity-iron-city-pittsburgh-steelers-qb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title="That's our Ben!!!"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiug4JUejTp7bMpjvQDdnv7DsSSpihRfYTCbh2JNEnJZpyyPoqbHGdA0Qj3wZFiHy_enK8P64PxqggLI3gV8tq-CxR7aRIhlXMxqHpJZL1QXV090AqZ_4cE3v6XxIt1-Sk5JgRj9uwgivTA/s320/ben-roethlisberger-drunk-steelcity-iron-city-pittsburgh-steelers-qb.jpg" /></a><br />
Well, it turns out Ben Roethlisberger is a <b><a href="http://deadspin.com/5518136/the-roethlisberger-documents-his-penis-was-already-out-of-his-pants?skyline=true&s=i">dick-waving redneck pervert</a></b> (his dong might be gray, by the way. <b><a href="http://deadspin.com/5520027/a-new-big-ben-exposure-story-he-had-a-gray-penis">Proof</a></b>). Now that the Steelers' 100 million dollar QB is officially a menace to coeds everywhere, I'd say it's about time to enact a moratorium on the media calling him "Ben."<br />
<br />
This paternal garbage was infuriating even before it was discovered Roethlisberger swings his lasso around like a two year old who just discovered it's there. But now that this information has come to light, people are still calling him Ben. For real, you idiots. This needs to stop.<br />
<br />
You don't know him. He's not your kid. It's not hard to type Roethlisberger. If you don't know how to spell it, Google it. And if your only job is to SAY his name, either on TV, radio or podcasts, you have even less of an excuse. It's three extra syllables. Do you know how unprofessional you sound? Let me lay it out for you.<br />
<br />
<b>When you say:</b> "Roethlisberger took his penis out and screamed YUMMY YUMMY DING DONG TIMES!" you sound like you're doing your job.<br />
<br />
<b>When you say:</b> "Ben took his penis out and screamed YUMMY YUMMY DING DONG TIMES!" you sound like you're telling a story of your kid's most recent bathtub experience.<br />
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Stop being a dumbass. Figure it out.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-63110969021938885222010-04-16T16:34:00.000-05:002010-04-16T16:34:51.868-05:00Radiohead Fans Are The WorstRadiohead and I are like that one roommate you never quite gelled with. Great dude, everyone loved him, but for some reason it just never clicked for you. <b><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHiGbolFFGw">Click here</a></b> to see their video for Paranoid Android, one of my favorite songs off of my favorite album of theirs. I can acknowledge that this is good music. I think the reason I'm not very into Radiohead is because I'm afraid of falling into one of the following groups.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>The "What's the Deeper Meaning?" Radiohead fan</b></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCfxQFmfiHdXijY1qfzN-6Y0Fi-593O8BZj91OXWttMQ7JMxv_H_XVnyyflk93MjDTQU7-Qs4byIfmQIDxqpCoW1Zz7OURLT3GHY1n9i-P5UZZ7-YmPG3vQ-9EI6IAiMHQmacXUuKrcYwR/s1600/Picture+5.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCfxQFmfiHdXijY1qfzN-6Y0Fi-593O8BZj91OXWttMQ7JMxv_H_XVnyyflk93MjDTQU7-Qs4byIfmQIDxqpCoW1Zz7OURLT3GHY1n9i-P5UZZ7-YmPG3vQ-9EI6IAiMHQmacXUuKrcYwR/s400/Picture+5.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><b>The "ZOMG NOTHING WILL EVER TOP THIS" Radiohead fan</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBWGeBbCv6j8E63Qo4gmM4BfKK2tOPHnv2JvKSZzxoUxB2iYt2u81nm9yX2gSd0kKKM6wuYkT4Gff7VnxeYCRVelMb_DTpTbtvBjMDcBv7R2tytEDmGZQpsj2gsKRb10PPDOM_zWMEILMa/s1600/Picture+7.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="50" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBWGeBbCv6j8E63Qo4gmM4BfKK2tOPHnv2JvKSZzxoUxB2iYt2u81nm9yX2gSd0kKKM6wuYkT4Gff7VnxeYCRVelMb_DTpTbtvBjMDcBv7R2tytEDmGZQpsj2gsKRb10PPDOM_zWMEILMa/s400/Picture+7.png" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaU0vc7YnNIoqGtINIR-t2fT-VozKTWFqxLSjvltjjvxAGCezal5IyNRbC6j_qPFXoYFNMceJMFNVKjtx_Pf_bopkvSqxq5JPNP1QY2MzsGTdQrZqPL6hjOBxf0EdmUXSh8TehcK__-pFh/s1600/Picture+6.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="120" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaU0vc7YnNIoqGtINIR-t2fT-VozKTWFqxLSjvltjjvxAGCezal5IyNRbC6j_qPFXoYFNMceJMFNVKjtx_Pf_bopkvSqxq5JPNP1QY2MzsGTdQrZqPL6hjOBxf0EdmUXSh8TehcK__-pFh/s400/Picture+6.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><b>The "Radiohead is kind of underground despite being mainstream and politicians hate that" Radiohead fan</b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAHWhplrt5irMR8R9pbXIjCzivhYEh-8FfzdeA8bdTeOJUKmq3u6bxGl5dfSV8Gfp6_l5eAefMONxKHy5R0E2k_DipQCw9IIm7ph3SdX8G_SXNruB5RT5c3OyDPJzPoiZvbBe5VXd1N0Nw/s1600/Picture+10.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="80" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAHWhplrt5irMR8R9pbXIjCzivhYEh-8FfzdeA8bdTeOJUKmq3u6bxGl5dfSV8Gfp6_l5eAefMONxKHy5R0E2k_DipQCw9IIm7ph3SdX8G_SXNruB5RT5c3OyDPJzPoiZvbBe5VXd1N0Nw/s400/Picture+10.png" width="400" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrDpyJWCsSfAp9-EKByyQxOhDg1S6Udx4LGqhtauiWlcD5DS_y0apll96deEqJs88lzAPvDSBcI7GiyL-vQ1GV1kit5fAlzqCzkKU_WaLc827Pw7vcNVrK5q2pg51NBbctncnmTXIsFTKo/s1600/Picture+11.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="110" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrDpyJWCsSfAp9-EKByyQxOhDg1S6Udx4LGqhtauiWlcD5DS_y0apll96deEqJs88lzAPvDSBcI7GiyL-vQ1GV1kit5fAlzqCzkKU_WaLc827Pw7vcNVrK5q2pg51NBbctncnmTXIsFTKo/s400/Picture+11.png" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><b>The "Radiohead Is Better Than Your Favorite Music" Radiohead fan</b></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKtqkfR1IoUS7K6olaQ_PPUMpjJ3BvhmLkls3AZhXfQF8D-A5FUlximUFWuk_ZtUNkDemlcw5MWJR8K0G6XHG8Vr8OWAQF7E-oOx1EfBvp4BN9z_nRprOaVSRoSZr531nNetsi_DBdWSJD/s1600/Picture+9.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="40" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKtqkfR1IoUS7K6olaQ_PPUMpjJ3BvhmLkls3AZhXfQF8D-A5FUlximUFWuk_ZtUNkDemlcw5MWJR8K0G6XHG8Vr8OWAQF7E-oOx1EfBvp4BN9z_nRprOaVSRoSZr531nNetsi_DBdWSJD/s400/Picture+9.png" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAydDYUggxN17xbAm7ycstaJZsUTVIt3uGY1S0ykh7PZ27MYleoB-v8cP2s59UdnDOmP0x3yYwq0KU6IOGVz5cVmxFBUI9xKAS9zpMwKILEUXGuBUDFXCnMSnNHpP_pz-_IYreQZjLXn29/s1600/Picture+12.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="151" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAydDYUggxN17xbAm7ycstaJZsUTVIt3uGY1S0ykh7PZ27MYleoB-v8cP2s59UdnDOmP0x3yYwq0KU6IOGVz5cVmxFBUI9xKAS9zpMwKILEUXGuBUDFXCnMSnNHpP_pz-_IYreQZjLXn29/s400/Picture+12.png" width="400" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBaEFA5aQmkbhdl4hIAiB2vK92co7CYQj56cV-jal2_SlVPhuYkbHG9PSl88Q3toc0g0s4oe94wLKJhC8Vn8WimO3n1s2k67_oF9uaBt5CrkEfB6IPSTSDRZzimr1HMJFB076_IV-c_qrY/s1600/Picture+13.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="43" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBaEFA5aQmkbhdl4hIAiB2vK92co7CYQj56cV-jal2_SlVPhuYkbHG9PSl88Q3toc0g0s4oe94wLKJhC8Vn8WimO3n1s2k67_oF9uaBt5CrkEfB6IPSTSDRZzimr1HMJFB076_IV-c_qrY/s400/Picture+13.png" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig5em6aKToL4ElSkLqlkQp4SZWO3cImMP7NgZZ7tY6AKQYAyCJOgCVUS73odX4V4iHCh0AKdp7WeqWct0J-MqHZz63TFPK1Waq8kwST2-S5UtZY4pw7pL070ycOqYa9PZ2KJa-TIzpBDmL/s1600/Picture+14.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="21" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig5em6aKToL4ElSkLqlkQp4SZWO3cImMP7NgZZ7tY6AKQYAyCJOgCVUS73odX4V4iHCh0AKdp7WeqWct0J-MqHZz63TFPK1Waq8kwST2-S5UtZY4pw7pL070ycOqYa9PZ2KJa-TIzpBDmL/s320/Picture+14.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Every one of these groups has its share of idiots, but the last group is the worst of the worst. My band is not better than your band. There's no way to prove it. Music is by far the most difficult medium to argue. When I'm listening to Paranoid Android, I think the hook is catchy and the lyrics are impossible to comprehend. But maybe the lyrics resonate with you because you can think outside the box, or you think the government is spying on you, or you're tripping on acid. We all hear music differently. This is why Pitchfork is full of shit, by the way.<br />
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After rambling on about how pointless it is to argue music, it's time for me to contradict myself: Lady GaGa is not actually that awful. In fact, she's kind of badass. She's interesting, her songs are catchy, and above all, fat kids love to sing them.<br />
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To all Radiohead fans who fall into any of the above groups: Get Did. Seriously. I might love this music if I wasn't so scared of my musical tastes shrinking to one band and one band only. You're all idiots.<br />
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<object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/BzHjRKSB4qQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/BzHjRKSB4qQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-48818637038508962212010-04-13T16:16:00.002-05:002010-04-13T16:20:34.710-05:00Rant: Jam Bands Suck<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh5YvZf3qGGJ-rR4UmZ3aiqrFEw1PWJXoH1Pa2uXrWOXFIcWctzUGf3APJBrJDHH-F2SpWo88_D-vj64vZCNGNZ4FoqK2j8y-ceuBuyvnXxgTAryv1V-5wYIaA_LsqK6mDJRvvsPv6Lr9i/s1600/Picture+3.png" imageanchor="1" title="Hypocrisy 101, taught by Professor D. Russell Bardin" alt="facebook pwn" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh5YvZf3qGGJ-rR4UmZ3aiqrFEw1PWJXoH1Pa2uXrWOXFIcWctzUGf3APJBrJDHH-F2SpWo88_D-vj64vZCNGNZ4FoqK2j8y-ceuBuyvnXxgTAryv1V-5wYIaA_LsqK6mDJRvvsPv6Lr9i/s400/Picture+3.png" width="400" /></a>Time for another edition of Arguing About Musical Opinions: The Most Pointless Discussion Humans Can Possibly Have. Are you as excited as I am? Let's get started.<br />
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As you can see to the left, Dan Bardin is a moron.<br />
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On a day much like today roughly two years ago, I realized jam bands are brutal. I forget what song I was listening to, so let's just say it was one of the hundreds of versions of "Watchtower" DMB has played over the years. <br />
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I'm knocking DMB early on in this rant, so let me clarify by restating that all jam bands suck. Who's your favorite jam band ever? I'll go out on a limb and say it's either DMB, The Grateful Dead or Phish. My personal favorite jam band (and one of my favorite bands ever) would be Gov't Mule. And guess what: if any song by any of these groups hits my iPod and exceeds the 10 minute mark, it's getting skipped. Even Mule. I don't have that kind of time. I buy my books in a matter of seconds, I skip TV commercials and my movies are mailed to me. I've completely run out of patience when it comes to these interminable songs. Because here's the deal, and I'm gonna boldface this point for emphasis:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLVs5JiHTxuOM4iOiD32aaP7SkkOuYuhyphenhypheneyo-tS2sXZ6Dd24RX_wGE1Qg5XFuf0x6Nc2-BMNanTu0BNGVhr3gcUVuUHlKLQWZSE5yhWp4GR6AqrOUM0CK7kgaHTP_HLTYMxUhemf9YquPj/s1600/Picture+4.png" alt="dave matthews sucks" title="Coincidentally, that's how I was screaming at that exact moment, wishing the song would end" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLVs5JiHTxuOM4iOiD32aaP7SkkOuYuhyphenhypheneyo-tS2sXZ6Dd24RX_wGE1Qg5XFuf0x6Nc2-BMNanTu0BNGVhr3gcUVuUHlKLQWZSE5yhWp4GR6AqrOUM0CK7kgaHTP_HLTYMxUhemf9YquPj/s320/Picture+4.png" /></a><b>Jam Bands are consistently lauded for their improvisation skills, when in reality everyone playing is too stoned to realize a song should have ended 6 minutes ago.</b><br />
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This is why studio versions of songs are generally a more manageable 4 to 5 minutes. The band members are much less likely to be tripping balls in the studio, and even if they are, they'll have a producer in their ear telling them to wrap it up because nobody wants to listen to 5 extra minutes of "improv."<br />
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And therein lies a key component to digging the jam bands, particularly at live shows. You'd best be in some kind of altered state. <br />
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I've been to numerous DMB shows, and every time I hear a killer 20 minute version of "Too Much" and I'm ready to off myself, but before I do I look around, and EVERYONE IS ENJOYING THEMSELVES. For a while, I wondered what was wrong with me. Am I a hipster? Are my tastes not as diverse as I thought they were? Turns out all the people grooving to another endless DMB jam were simply higher than Brittany Murphy.<br />
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And to those of you telling me I forgot booze: I didn't forget booze. Being trashed at a concert is the worst. You're in the bathroom a majority of the time, and when you're actually hanging out listening to music, it's impossible to comprehend.<br />
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Back to Dan Bardin. He's a moron, yes. But I can't fault him. I know him better than most people on the planet, and I know that he learned guitar thanks to DMB songs way back in his early teens. That's some powerful nostalgia that's impossible to argue away. This is why he agreed with me that all jam bands suck...except for Dave. It's completely hypocritical and also completely understandable. Nostalgia has power. It's why I think Homeward Bound is a dynamite movie, when it fact it most likely bites the big one.<br />
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But for the rest of you idiots, you have no excuse. Once again, and hopefully the third time is the charm: JAM BANDS SUCK. In the time it took you to listen to Dark Star, you could have heard four Black Keys tunes. Increase your musical efficiency, grow up, and above all, stop thinking you have to get high to enjoy music. You don't. The music just has to be good.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-13516644296754916612010-04-06T09:01:00.001-05:002010-04-26T09:12:54.214-05:00The Greatest Tampon Ad You'll Ever SeeSo there I was, hanging out and teaching myself a new song on the guitar. It was Thickfreakness by The Black Keys, if you must know. Yeah, I'm kind of legit. No big deal.<br />
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<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/3X_lOZI9KWI&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/3X_lOZI9KWI&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object> <br />
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As I learned it I could actually feel my Badassery Meter increasing. I may have to get a tattoo soon. But this is beside the point.<br />
<br />
The real reason I'm telling you this is as follows: I play the axe with headphones on so I don't disturb the dog and the neighbors. I was being called by The Jess, but I couldn't hear her because of my crunchy grooves. She finally got up and got my attention in the next room (she's totally super sick and stuff so this was difficult) and showed me a commercial she rewound on the DVR. <br />
<br />
<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/lpypeLL1dAs&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/lpypeLL1dAs&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object><br />
<br />
Gold. This ad will do for tampons what <b><a href="http://www.commonvents.com/2010/02/why-im-switching-to-old-spice.html">The Man Your Man Could Smell Like</a></b> did for men's body wash. You can trust me on this. If there's one thing I know, it's tampons.<br />
<br />
<b><i>Update:</i></b><br />
<br />
I've been sent the 2nd greatest tampon ad you'll ever see. Thanks to Amanda for the heads up.<br />
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<object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/QOM4AMV050A&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/QOM4AMV050A&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-41984736264674742182010-03-29T15:30:00.002-05:002010-03-29T15:34:28.477-05:00Two Horrendous March Madness CommercialsIf you've been following the tourney at all, you've seen these two ads. I couldn't find the State Farm commercials featuring The Man With Every Race or the Nissan ones that for some reason have a narrator with a speech impediment. But these two ads will do just fine.<br />
<br />
Also, I've heard people are annoyed with the Exxon Mobil nerds and the Coke Zero guy. I don't have a problem with them, even after seeing their commercials over 30 times at least. However, I have a definite problem with the following ads:<br />
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<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/8xq0RyyqoFI&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/8xq0RyyqoFI&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object><br />
<br />
They show this ad during EVERY. COMMERCIAL. BREAK. I am not kidding. I will no longer fly Southwest. I don't care if bags fly free, a message conveyed through varying degrees of obesity. Yes, I live 10 minutes from O'Hare and over an hour from Midway. What's your point?<br />
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<object width="480" height="295"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/p1kbzpYRogg&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/p1kbzpYRogg&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="295"></embed></object><br />
<br />
"HAVE YOU EVER DRIVEN A CAR THAT HAS PURE SILVER DUST POLISHED INTO THE WOOD? OF COURSE YOU HAVEN'T." What a smug little shithead. The best thing about this ad is the surrounding landscape. Are they trying to tell me the Infiniti M is an off-road vehicle? Because it would not be a good idea to get dirt on the silver dust. <br />
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"I'm sure glad I chose Infiniti over Lexus, BMW, Audi and Mercedes-Benz! Sure, this thing may handle like garbage, but feel that breezy air conditioning!"<br />
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<b>Professional Perspective:</b><br />
<br />
For an expert's take on these two brutal ads, let's toss it to news reporter Gordon Boyd, who's live on the scene.<br />
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<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/cPVzICCIGR8&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/cPVzICCIGR8&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object><br />
<br />
Well said, Gordon! I, too, hurled my poorly-assembled notes in disgust upon viewing these ads.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-61480470812564181772010-03-24T11:41:00.000-05:002010-03-24T11:41:30.112-05:00How I'm Passing the TimeThe Jess is in Mexico on Spring Break with her grad school ladies. They're just like Sex and the City!!!<br />
<br />
So what do I do in the meantime? I send emails to myself about new guns to try out in Call of Duty. My life is super awesome and slightly sad.<br />
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<a target="_blank" href="http://callofduty.wikia.com/wiki/RPD" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" title="I might go with Bling instead of Sleight of Hand. Thoughts?" alt="mw2 rpd" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDKMVrl_tGvkAdz1y2ffrfRn96Uo-kQ70n6_gSKG-ECNHvrDsOZT2qU6sHdMPUVh6lvLouCxmHyLOJdWbA-VEAFbxS8sl-meJHe38eHEGBLiPHJer7JuBQAJphl6dUD6-jA0eEkZ_9qhc4/s400/Picture+2.png" width="400" /></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-57734522415662998182010-03-18T10:36:00.000-05:002010-03-18T10:36:51.229-05:00The Brackets. Brought to you by various Disney villains.It's madness time, people! I want your brackets. Email them to me by writing ltrayser at gmail dot com. If you tell me you can't email them, you're lying. Take a screen capture of it and send it my way. If you don't know how to do that, Google it. It's pretty easy and you'll feel like a champ when you do it correctly. <br />
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Below are the brackets of entrants so far. <b>If you hover over each bracket you'll be able to see who its author is</b>. Also, <b>clicking on the bracket shows you a picture of each author's cinematic sponsor</b>. They may or may not all be Disney villains. Anyway, let's get it started.<br />
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<a href="http://images1.fanpop.com/images/photos/2400000/Maleficent-maleficent-2400209-800-600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank" title="Bracket by L. Norman Trayser, Sponsored by Maleficent"><img border="0" height="554" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoyvu4ZabnsBemMi2o9bq-LCaf39lPWgo13h9A9rADcGUDgZUPjdlksw2B4-fNU-2hNRDAITcK-HSrZjUR9dZ6nBOzkTpsTGAcGb6dJjaSB7wlY7HuVTP7W0PPVvGGhFGwGQiPMlhzr-68/s640/Picture+5.png" width="640" /></a><br />
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<a href="http://images1.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Jafar-Wallpaper-aladdin-976749_800_600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank" title="Bracket by Marxie Poo, Sponsored by Jafar"><img border="0" height="468" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0NjJIFnxzLZZ2oZBNSUWwdAjrr71KAGh-MEILB21y9Ujk0GkpK9KcT29KHbh-Dv2u-8yoFj5UANFHPRV91qgFc3O7elW7aBzYouzIX_m73QTJwj4DML_tbhQUoazV8wkxNQIYfbNd4id4/s640/Picture+1.png" width="640" /></a><br />
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<a href="http://animatingthecyborg.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/ursula-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank" title="Bracket by Chief, Sponsored by Ursula"><img border="0" height="448" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6IJb9r3L95iaodKYC6eiNiMohSjc0pTxBu1WAHJVJHi3OTO0Yof5zTcP5FQq1lTHyytJquzc1_WTcspVuHId5Is2WYvDOXZvysQnB4QBg1STjI7AsSrETHCTh9jzjbl6KrmENN6Ng4W5n/s640/Picture+2.png" width="640" /></a><br />
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<a href="http://www.lionking.org/%7Eunicorn/artwork/Scar.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank" title="Bracket by Gob Bluth, Sponsored by Scar"><img border="0" height="556" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilb3QsGA_c-W1uWbKpGspsr2bPAK476oNyL0Nld3ejlaWRYX05NB2_SbARkD7Ym91kKG41BGSdaHZyvR9CmAswami-TahVP0CB0Y6WiKX79YwS2phyphenhyphensdwsR-YLng8y5oStzn5kk6ABhfFZ/s640/Picture+3.png" width="640" /></a><br />
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<a href="http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/disneyvillains/images/thumb/f/f5/McLeach.jpg/300px-McLeach.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank" title="Bracket by Slick Willy B, Sponsored by Percival McLeach"><img border="0" height="422" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdaDODczLxB35-QL6FSNAsMcsQ0yo0Vg6EFCC3q6lcCPXJJUv2k0RjG-3gpeVP3vh8ybnaMAOAI958rtHluvJCxzhCHaPHYSJcm1W57WGl_5WETQ30ednk8Lc2VuiLoVFc_C8Vg1Gt-lRe/s640/Picture+4.png" width="640" /></a><br />
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<a href="http://animguy1.tripod.com/amos.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank" title="Bracket by DP Dough, Sponsored by Amos Slade"><img border="0" height="398" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYBf63giRywwmnI7IPxx6007OcGs6neheHpiZwvSM5Tx-RlO_KA9hTzStYQ9MlKnI2ySGWf4TJUZ2LwsTUO3Fmt899kCVoTux3lJXjTDUbzU2rBe54oyKv4LWcTfcEfBgxPy4yrc9_7BpD/s640/Picture+5.png" width="640" /></a><br />
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<a href="http://images1.cliqueclack.com/tv/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/southpark-mickey-kick-425x311.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank" title="Bracket by Downtown Dan Bardin, Sponsored by Mickey Mouse"><img border="0" height="420" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn3IXjPr8f-0DoyyOtKflnszo_41Q-2aYB2XCDB5ftzchrievWWbH4RZmhSzHtyu5qtRtHoOM9Gdapgh-KccXdAV4y5g-toUBQI8GxUWBsIg72-HUUt8L3WQcffYLvBTSG5cJGFd1iu_r7/s640/Picture+6.png" width="640" /></a><br />
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<a href="http://paganmedia.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/300px-cruella_de_vil.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank" title="Bracket by Mrs. Stock, Sponsored by Cruella de Vil"><img border="0" height="556" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj49uO721eJS9otQlOK1JtEfeRB_jKwRzO2ghSPysyjcyFwJMAfWKuU8rqPfc17Kja-Vlt5lmoSIBBSC7WRX7LKeSROhv2AdlkEXRPzXc3Nv8WAZZrWaLiQu8LIUBU9q-OaOytMP7igXJsw/s640/Picture+7.png" width="640" /></a><br />
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<a href="http://media.photobucket.com/image/gaston%20beauty%20beast/Hughnin/Godston.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank" title="Bracket by Wob the Aviator, Sponsored by Gaston"><img border="0" height="396" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDIE6GbVDcu6bQFnV34t7hZIxeX-ghzpKAPDhVd-LrSoS3ByWzyCd938UryLGF23wPsTg5dMFkKPLr06gxk4Rqx4P_0MD74IzmODEYfk7sz4TWuzVF7bkIZzQnjwe-3lFCLOwon6cG6RX2/s640/Picture+8.png" width="640" /></a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2BsjEtUtZGHzt0SDH56VVYpf-b9TjHcP5ZIlDSNpnYNQgErivrZ_fjlClXQ2El5VoLnNBjCTK7Jszz0qX2xn5OIWJ6yu619rkFN-BD0kWBERfqCKFrE4y4pvcv4FdWRpG7ZQ-Z97h16k/s400/hades.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank" title="Bracket by Big Wille, Sponsored by Hades"><img border="0" height="418" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2fatbHxpwo6pd5DnKHLbBUezn4iNBOUXUzDyKP142hy8M5iJ7WHjfEfV9j63EmfPY7j5eP3_6KORox09tEkMuJX0y8IIQ-IQKjUGK5vy_jWyxc_yK2R4_ftNeZlGlcpLN87HprW0_vKJe/s640/Picture+9.png" width="640" /></a><br />
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<a href="http://asg.animatedheroes.com/albums/basil/Ratigan_hmmm.sized.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank" title="Bracket by Hick Nobart, Sponsored by Ratigan"><img border="0" height="412" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn2q5Jtfp275B4BErt3hNzdD7SJmqTWHQlD6Ao2mTlKUMKZSp7bJwxjB-7313itm0gmMESatDHteh_A-y4naMh8rnV4CS-BD3sFIuM0GdhkRo4ShEOMCIcTO9xK14EG5pr16lbTmPy-TQ-/s640/Picture+10.png" width="640" /></a><br />
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<a target ="_blank" href="http://www.filmdope.com/Gallery/ActorsF/5587-10638.jpg" title="Bracket by Bighead, Sponsored by Aunt Sarah" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="418" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUzXtw4tbC48QsihrDDwI73OMn_duZhxlFqTzXoWc0fHm_pCqmiBhXnnd4__fiv4Sfu_wSs8HMNtnALhYyfpDjtlETU0rOLQL9-neiepVP8Dn7yCwfR7fV2qIBQczR7SjWJTAzSDqpURX_/s640/Picture+11.png" width="640" /></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-11578871608777443222010-03-12T16:55:00.000-06:002010-03-12T16:55:54.835-06:00The Facebook Comment Ninja Strikes AgainSo silent. So deadly. I'm like a two day old fart.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJok-L3pW6FrCpRumJDt72ByJ7vMWwa93-G1_WvRaZ2uAIUglz7sXeJ_O85cv4Jpxf1MQ51MHkiKaMLZ7RaGnF7-8lpcaw_JLBFpO8YVRweNEq894mEFUaaqTNvsD9DpZAqLDABQsKiH9T/s1600-h/Picture+1.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="165" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJok-L3pW6FrCpRumJDt72ByJ7vMWwa93-G1_WvRaZ2uAIUglz7sXeJ_O85cv4Jpxf1MQ51MHkiKaMLZ7RaGnF7-8lpcaw_JLBFpO8YVRweNEq894mEFUaaqTNvsD9DpZAqLDABQsKiH9T/s400/Picture+1.png" width="400" /></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-60396385454769988592010-03-09T16:50:00.000-06:002010-03-09T16:50:49.615-06:00Lindsay Lohan is suing eTrade. After you find out why, you'll be even more confused<b>Two awesome videos:</b><br />
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<object data="http://widgets.nbc.com/o/4727a250e66f9723/4b96a085f7bed89a/4b966d480d8ff15e/7953d084/-cpid/12109fcc9f9d73a2" height="283" id="W4727a250e66f97234b96a085f7bed89a" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="384"><param name="movie" value="http://widgets.nbc.com/o/4727a250e66f9723/4b96a085f7bed89a/4b966d480d8ff15e/7953d084/-cpid/12109fcc9f9d73a2" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /><param name="allowNetworking" value="all" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /></object><br />
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<object height="385" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/9U4Ha9HQvMo&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/9U4Ha9HQvMo&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object><br />
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<b>Today in bullshit news:</b><br />
Remember that eTrade "milkaholic" Super Bowl ad? Turns out the milk-crazy baby was named Lindsay, and so, <b><a href="http://www.wwtdd.com/2010/03/lindsay-wants-100000000-over-this/" target="_blank">eTrade is now being sued for $100 million by Lindsay Lohan</a></b>. This is a real thing.<br />
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Lohan claims she has first name recognition on par with Madonna and Oprah. Remember The Parent Trap? Freaky Friday? Mean Girls? Decent flicks that showcased a budding star's potential. Now she's a complete train wreck. What a jackass.<br />
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And finally, here's your perplexing pop-up ad of the day:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ6eDFICb3Thg-jObjhZ_ByQLYY5B4k17c5g6-ylkwbsMwh7MryKi0fCHpD6GAG_-e7TrG8cptf8e0sHc7lme2a97RDXymSzb8JOUmQM2QurZnP5V0laXFziqEOebAB8t9F4DOiNywkrAn/s1600-h/Picture+5.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ6eDFICb3Thg-jObjhZ_ByQLYY5B4k17c5g6-ylkwbsMwh7MryKi0fCHpD6GAG_-e7TrG8cptf8e0sHc7lme2a97RDXymSzb8JOUmQM2QurZnP5V0laXFziqEOebAB8t9F4DOiNywkrAn/s400/Picture+5.png" width="287" /></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-2136068323248559482010-03-07T11:31:00.002-06:002010-03-07T11:34:46.485-06:00Best Picture/Director<i>Note from Luke: This is Bighead's final Oscar Preview post. To read his past entries, check out the links below.<br />
</i><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><i>[<b><a href="http://www.commonvents.com/2010/02/top-10-oscar-snubs.html" style="color: black;" target="_blank">Top 10 Snubs</a></b>]<br />
[<b><a href="http://www.commonvents.com/2010/02/2010-oscar-preview-best-supporting.html" style="color: black;" target="_blank">Supporting Actress</a></b>]<br />
[<b><a href="http://www.commonvents.com/2010/02/best-supporting-actor-2010-oscar.html" style="color: black;" target="_blank">Supporting Actor</a></b>]</i><br />
<i>[<a href="http://www.commonvents.com/2010/02/best-actress-2010-oscar-preview.html" style="color: black;" target="_blank"><b>Best Actress</b></a>] </i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><i>[<b><a href="http://www.commonvents.com/2010/03/best-actor-2010-oscar-preview.html">Best Actor</a></b>]</i></span><br />
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I'm combining the Best Picture and Best Director categories because they happen to fall in the same order. The directors are going to be in parentheses following their respective movies.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVbWrbKdkf2vhw8hHpOEDJDWj1b0I4xY2CdCihvPU6IFjVgFdXzImlesdcV12aecNlr-PeDGj1_l4O39D8q2NBgoWvPx6JQvjS_IfmDQZlDkxsQiJhj7uaRD0ZgrNqhFwI3QkLi3C2hBzQ/s1600-h/the-blind-side-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVbWrbKdkf2vhw8hHpOEDJDWj1b0I4xY2CdCihvPU6IFjVgFdXzImlesdcV12aecNlr-PeDGj1_l4O39D8q2NBgoWvPx6JQvjS_IfmDQZlDkxsQiJhj7uaRD0ZgrNqhFwI3QkLi3C2hBzQ/s200/the-blind-side-poster.jpg" width="133" /></a><h3>10. The Blind Side</h3><br />
Sandra Bullock single handedly carried this movie to the top ten. This feel good summer blockbuster will get more viewers tuning in to the Academy Awards which is the main goal for expanding back to ten nominees. Is it one of the top ten movies of the year? Probably not. However, this is the perfect movie to round off the Best Picture category.<br />
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<h3>9. Precious (5. Lee Daniels)</h3><br />
No.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijBTZaKlUSnpaFf95nZHSJWmFWFLUmcPaLkUdEFeeLf112U8Wb-Q2XFWwX6gAxSE9IcdQHP_eTWlFKM2el52QS8ySwMlFchAH4Jfkxt-6PNVVJEkNwBeO1n4eP1com0yglmuulGK4CR3qR/s1600-h/poster-the-coens-a-serious-man1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijBTZaKlUSnpaFf95nZHSJWmFWFLUmcPaLkUdEFeeLf112U8Wb-Q2XFWwX6gAxSE9IcdQHP_eTWlFKM2el52QS8ySwMlFchAH4Jfkxt-6PNVVJEkNwBeO1n4eP1com0yglmuulGK4CR3qR/s200/poster-the-coens-a-serious-man1.jpg" width="129" /></a><h3>8. A Serious Man</h3><br />
I'm pretty sure the Coen brothers can't miss. Especially with the new format of ten Best Picture nominees, they could make one movie every year and it'd be up for an Oscar. They write, produce and direct every time and they seem to never fail. And although this movie isn't even close to the caliber of say...No Country For Old Men, it's quite enjoyable.<br />
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Michael Stuhlbarg plays a Jewish professor in this dark comedy whose life basically gets dumped on over and over again. His wife hates him, his children don't respect him, and his brother (the only constant in his life) is socially awkward and won't leave his house. I know. Sounds hilarious, right?<br />
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It's held back by its unknown status and the fact that most people don't especially like dark comedies, but I highly recommend Netflixing it.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjenJjRYUjSzpW6U5MNRE1e5LSReMIq9u1pNJyZAAQkrdrH1Oq01VoTSeDqNvLivcaog0ezQhtcebZkUu1WANzLZ-rCC0FnHOKSd_aS7yhaUYi3P_Rl4lJThTJER0aPcTDhySU_Ua-6h11T/s1600-h/pixar-up-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjenJjRYUjSzpW6U5MNRE1e5LSReMIq9u1pNJyZAAQkrdrH1Oq01VoTSeDqNvLivcaog0ezQhtcebZkUu1WANzLZ-rCC0FnHOKSd_aS7yhaUYi3P_Rl4lJThTJER0aPcTDhySU_Ua-6h11T/s200/pixar-up-poster.jpg" width="135" /></a><h3>7. Up</h3><br />
People are really stressing the fact that this is only the second animated feature to be nominated for Best Picture and I guess that's an honor, but let me tell you why I have trouble putting Up in the "Best Animated Picture Ever" category.<br />
<ol><li><b>It's not even close to Beauty and the Beast</b> <br />
As some of you may know, Beauty and the Beast was the only animated feature to be nominated for Best Picture and that was when there were only five nominees. It was nominated because it was ahead of its time and it's hard to a.) make a good musical, and b.) make a good animated feature. Beauty and the Beast did both.</li>
<li><b>It's not even close to WALL-E</b> <br />
WALL-E is the best animated movie ever made. Hands down. And although Up is a masterpiece and Pixar is really learning how to tug at your heart without making it inappropriate for kids, I find it hard to give it the credit that I probably should.</li>
</ol><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw_1XPWJ9A2E2bIelq5aH0nWRDU23SkNfHwTIjuI7QV9n4BPwMpMANum_WbVDUDIyVr0kgl8ZGtEa3MTt5HvoZvcTZOJcmwXYyVU4sUp8HA2MDAjWii4WdOF6vZkgIVGT2yQJWCD20ASJ0/s1600-h/an-education-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw_1XPWJ9A2E2bIelq5aH0nWRDU23SkNfHwTIjuI7QV9n4BPwMpMANum_WbVDUDIyVr0kgl8ZGtEa3MTt5HvoZvcTZOJcmwXYyVU4sUp8HA2MDAjWii4WdOF6vZkgIVGT2yQJWCD20ASJ0/s200/an-education-poster.jpg" width="135" /></a><h3>6. An Education</h3><br />
You can come out of this movie with two different mindsets: I hated it because it was creepy, or I loved it because the creepiness didn't seem as creepy as it should have. If I read the script before I saw the movie I would've freaked out and refused to see it.<br />
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Plot: A thirty-something man has sex with a sixteen year old. Oh wait, she made him wait until her seventeenth birthday. So it's totally not creepy.<br />
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Carey Mulligan owns the whole time, and Peter Sarsgaard somehow makes his character charming, not creepy. Hard to do in a role like the one he played. The supporting cast does exactly that; they support Mulligan to perfection, and there are two dominant and memorable cameos by Emma Thompson and Sally Hawkins that top off the picture.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCwvGHqa8XW02HI7qDVBxY457EyRZ-CvOOQg7IGowrJSCX3Wp6nuKUODRHMmXg7FGubjjfbtbgvbBI7YxYBrR8cIGWHzkzoCnl7pCujr-8SXgtmuHciGpL3GXqaP0nm5XjQjEYNaiiwDMy/s1600-h/district9poster-thumb-450x665.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCwvGHqa8XW02HI7qDVBxY457EyRZ-CvOOQg7IGowrJSCX3Wp6nuKUODRHMmXg7FGubjjfbtbgvbBI7YxYBrR8cIGWHzkzoCnl7pCujr-8SXgtmuHciGpL3GXqaP0nm5XjQjEYNaiiwDMy/s200/district9poster-thumb-450x665.jpg" width="135" /></a><h3>5. District 9</h3><br />
This movie give me hope for the film industry. Sometimes movies come along where I think, "is this the best Hollywood has to offer?" When I see a movie being remade for the tenth time or Rocky still fighting while he's in a wheelchair, I tend to get a little upset. Can't somebody on earth be creative? But then this sci-fi thriller comes along and my heart feels good.<br />
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Like last year's Best Picture winner, Slumdog Millionaire, right after I watched this movie, I was mad that I wasn't the one who thought of it. If you haven't seen D9 yet (and you don't mind some blood and you can stomach your way through it), watch it now.<br />
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(And I'm mad at myself for forgetting Sharlto Copley on my 10 snubs list. I would've loved to see him nominated for Best Actor. He deserves it this year more than Morgan Freeman.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlZ6JNn7jZEVpGWJ20IpYO8YIbztC5YbUrLXsMmDG_7WKIJBVDHzKznkhjZ70EZJuPF6q1rA1Ou2EUgMjn54gVzb0bjT8RNWatKOZI27EuJwf6v_FocQbNATbWhAPeC2qluRV0ZTzh_rbH/s1600-h/inglourious-basterds-poster1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlZ6JNn7jZEVpGWJ20IpYO8YIbztC5YbUrLXsMmDG_7WKIJBVDHzKznkhjZ70EZJuPF6q1rA1Ou2EUgMjn54gVzb0bjT8RNWatKOZI27EuJwf6v_FocQbNATbWhAPeC2qluRV0ZTzh_rbH/s200/inglourious-basterds-poster1.jpg" width="136" /></a><h3>4. Inglourious Basterds (4. Quentin Tarantino)</h3><br />
I've heard from a lot of people that Basterds has the best collective acting in the bunch, but it all starts with Tarantino. I wish I could write like he can. He's the best at writing 20 minutes of well-crafted, meaningful dialogue, and then following it up with 3 seconds of mass chaos.<br />
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I was hooked on this movie the moment I saw the first trailer. I knew going into it that I was going to see a lot of blood, and that the movie itself was going to feel like Tarantino (ensemble cast, broken up into chapters, strong female lead, etc). It had everything I hoped for, and then some. Listen, I have no sympathy for Nazis. What was shown in that movie was nothing. SPOILER ALERT: How Hitler dies in this movie is not even close to how I wished he died. It was Tarantino saying "Forget facts! I'm making history the way I want to make it!" Awesome.<br />
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I think this post might just be my masterpiece.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgWVV4Wc1MF8-FL6bNkq5rK42cgYFikKEk53mTiUoRuDmue0Ml-HD8b6SHV4yjTuAEFhRR-082-OEAyijx1wh3gYBJ6i9U22mm5IvU3ru-hmthTxuuJTJGm6aw8vNYg2AQR4YnTV9XfW7v/s1600-h/upintheair-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgWVV4Wc1MF8-FL6bNkq5rK42cgYFikKEk53mTiUoRuDmue0Ml-HD8b6SHV4yjTuAEFhRR-082-OEAyijx1wh3gYBJ6i9U22mm5IvU3ru-hmthTxuuJTJGm6aw8vNYg2AQR4YnTV9XfW7v/s200/upintheair-poster.jpg" width="135" /></a><h3>3. Up In the Air (3. Jason Reitman)</h3><br />
Both Basterds and the film not to be confused with Pixar's Up had scripts that owned. It'll probably win Best Adapted Screenplay, and this might be my favorite acting cast this year, so it feels strange putting it at number 3 on my list with such qualifications, but I have two very big reasons for it (see number 1 and number 2).<br />
<br />
Everybody just fits perfectly into their roles in Up in the Air. George Clooney was at the top of his game and Vera Farmiga's quick wit complemented Anna Kendrick's spastic ways to perfection. Even Herny Rowengartner's mom made a great appearance. <br />
<br />
Also, Jason Reitman is officially a director not to mess with. He's here to stay. Thank You For Smoking in 2005, Juno in 2007, Up in the Air in 2009. Very impressive, especially considering the guy's 32 years old. Whatever he makes in 2011, I'm seeing.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG60MAqM-bMoBFAqnJzKr_Ynk9j23nhNZfomVqsOYhhb9RJi_ZtAxcy7B0gjh7_gmjOb9_WqBkUj9p00rgSd2B0I5yCBg1XqHphO3AB5KrKVkGrXtUCEa9Y8y8b0OWwte5PYE8RCGSBs-U/s1600-h/avatar-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG60MAqM-bMoBFAqnJzKr_Ynk9j23nhNZfomVqsOYhhb9RJi_ZtAxcy7B0gjh7_gmjOb9_WqBkUj9p00rgSd2B0I5yCBg1XqHphO3AB5KrKVkGrXtUCEa9Y8y8b0OWwte5PYE8RCGSBs-U/s200/avatar-poster.jpg" width="135" /></a><h3>2. Avatar (2. James Cameron)</h3><br />
The next two movies are the clear front-runners for both of these categories, and although I feel the Best Picture and Best Director winners should always go to the same movie, that doesn't always happen. This is because only directors in the Academy vote for best director and the entire Academy votes on Best Picture. Most years this doesn't matter, but I think this year it will.<br />
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Avatar was unlike anything you will ever see. James Cameron created a whole new world. I felt like Jasmine in Aladdin. Awwwwww SNAP. If they made a 24 hour featurette called "The Making of Avatar," I would watch every second...Twice. I think the Na'Vi are a real species. They sure seemed real to me. Unfortunately, if I had the ability to do what Cameron did, there were a couple things in this movie where I went "I would have done that differently." Sigourney Weaver quickly comes to mind.<br />
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Between Best Picture and Best Director, Avatar has the best chance to win Best Picture. Regardless, it will most likely clean up at least 5 of its 9 total nominations. Avatar grossed over a billion dollars and changed film making forever, but as far as Oscar is concerned, this is not Cameron's year.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKm7AZiBXmWlj-anxneULWX1d1CP0vWXkBmkIlgLnKExQ7f5jI05iVey7bd3HsOk1ilDWgNP3BJeVB5U0Ty8n56Rlf8dPhR0lo-T5JYwmBvglpVUMYltXA-VKzeC6PL70K6om-YtKzrGg_/s1600-h/hurt-locker-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKm7AZiBXmWlj-anxneULWX1d1CP0vWXkBmkIlgLnKExQ7f5jI05iVey7bd3HsOk1ilDWgNP3BJeVB5U0Ty8n56Rlf8dPhR0lo-T5JYwmBvglpVUMYltXA-VKzeC6PL70K6om-YtKzrGg_/s200/hurt-locker-1.jpg" width="128" /></a><h3>1. The Hurt Locker (1. Kathryn Bigelow)</h3><br />
There is nothing wrong with this movie. Let's go through it.<br />
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<b>Writing: A+</b><br />
All movies start with the script. Mark Boal went into Iraq and followed a squad of bomb techs around, so he knows his stuff and it shows. He writes about their job and that's it. As a strong conservative, one of the biggest things I can't stand about movies involving Iraq is the bashing of our government. Boal leaves the politics out of it. Hurt Locker isn't pro-war or anti-war. It simply tells a story. It just happens to be an incredibly powerful story, and one that makes you think once it's over.<br />
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<b>Acting: A+</b><br />
Jeremey Renner gives one of the most memorable performances of the year. Hands down. Anthony Mackie and Brian Geraghty are the everyday soldiers. They are not douchebags like Channing Tatum that because they have huge muscles, that means they belong in a uniform. Wow, do I hate Channing Tatum. Guy Pearce, Ralph Fiennes, David Morse were all flawless (and they're collectively on screen for about 10 minutes).<br />
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<b>Directing A++</b><br />
Everything about this movie is perfect. Choosing a cinematographer whose main background is documentaries so you feel like you're in the action with the soldiers was brilliant. Using real explosives instead of the "Hollywood BALLS OF FIRE" was brilliant. Making the movie independently so you could film it on the border of Iraq instead of somewhere like Morocco was brilliant. Making it independently also means you can choose your actors. A studio would have picked Tom Cruise, Denzel Washington, and Adrien Brody as there three main characters. That wouldn't have worked here, because:<br />
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*HUGE SPOILER ALERT*The two most famous people in this movie die two minutes into their scenes. Brilliant. Katheryn Bigelow, thank you for making this masterpiece. Oh, and you are extremely hot for 58.<br />
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The winner of the Director's Guild top award has won the Best Director Oscar 55 out of the last 61 years. Lucky for Katheryn Bigelow, she has already won the DGA Award so I think this is hers to lose.<br />
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So there we have it. Bigelow and The Hurt Locker are my pick to bring home the Best Picture and Best Director Oscars. The Oscars are tonight. You need to watch them. JUST DO IT. IS IT IN YOU? I'M LOVING IT!Bigheadhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13553074790511231018noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5573187053963517960.post-13426932172400782992010-03-05T12:10:00.004-06:002010-03-05T12:43:52.603-06:00Why My Idiot Friends Hate Me<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a alt="lol facebook" href="http://www.facebook.com/#%21/profile.php?id=102900129&ref=mf" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank" title="Either he's buying mini t-shirts in 4 hours or he's a f*cking moron"><img border="0" height="135" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYE3kdJOsXtOB7m30J8l1KrN0g9vGdltVif_AQEBIJm9p-Ek00QNfu_ozllOmn2naWzugoQt1Y97zwo7zIVp3Vwy4U2qPZtdOq32U0VnJZRA-NFNrEzzVvsE50CcID9gn9AjWPkbAWX7nP/s400/Picture+3.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
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<h4>ZOMG UPDATE:</h4>Maybe this is what Dan was excited for. Thanks to @<b><a target="_blank" href="http://twitter.com/acegrl">acegrl</a></b> for the image.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a target="_blank" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW9OEQJZsQHvf9W-yWQn3f-ihg-vkqE6QqtO8ZWXSr3pOR46I410e8zDS9-dpVZIsCTBJTiRcdosDHnP2ffsTUdMJ2EN-3fr-GxLqX_koNGdtqcsyuYOj7fruSp3UrcMPjmtslGh0M7vKo/s1600-h/TEMP-Image_1_8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title="o hai! wisch i had da spehl chex but ai gawt minney teez instehd!"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW9OEQJZsQHvf9W-yWQn3f-ihg-vkqE6QqtO8ZWXSr3pOR46I410e8zDS9-dpVZIsCTBJTiRcdosDHnP2ffsTUdMJ2EN-3fr-GxLqX_koNGdtqcsyuYOj7fruSp3UrcMPjmtslGh0M7vKo/s400/TEMP-Image_1_8.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08316189939345110625noreply@blogger.com1