Killer dolphins! Volcano lightning! (Today on Flipboard)

There's a mobile app called Flipboard that pulls in stories from around the world in a visually stunning way. You should download it. Here are some stories that were on my board today. My opinions do not reflect anyone else's because I am an idiot.

STORY NUMERO UNO

Ukraine Might Have Trained 'Killer' Dolphins That Might Have Escaped
Might have trained? Might have escaped? Pffff. I am not scared.

STORY NUMERO DOS

Trained Soviet Attack Dolphins With Head-Mounted Guns Are On The Loose

QUICKSCOPE

You now have my attention. It should be said that the ambiguity in story numero uno is for good reason. It's not clear if the Ukraine trained killer dolphins. And if they did, it's not clear if the dolphins were armed when they escaped.

Regardless, I think it's great that Ukraine uses Treehouse of Horror episodes of The Simpsons as a national defense strategy. If you're a Ukrainian groundskeeper named Willie, you should probably flee. Your death is imminent.

STORY NUMERO TRES

Terrifying Volcanic Lightning Photographed by Martin Rietze
Just look at those photos.

VIDEO NUMERO UNO

Here's Ricky Rubio doing Ricky Rubio things. Derrick Rose and whoever is influencing him to stay off the court should pay attention here. Remember when Rubio first came back from his ACL injury? He looked bad. Not himself. Yesterday? First career triple double, and that silky smooth double-behind-the-back hesitation move on top of it.

The next step in Rose's rehab is to play games. He's not going to get to 100% by doing nothing but practicing. He needs to get on the court. End of Chicago rant.