Tuesday, April 2, 2013

We need to talk about this Carhartt commercial

Conflicting Feelings I Get When Watching This Commercial

1. I want to build enduring structures, then immediately tear them down.

How badly do you want to go destroy something right now? I'm so jacked up, I can't even see straight. I just tried to rip my Equaline Instant Hand Sanitizer in half, but plastic is pretty strong. I might stand up and find some scissors later to finish the job.

I don't just want to destroy things. Oddly enough, I'm now filled with an intense desire to take a bunch of materials and use them to make one larger material. What is this feeling? Is my brain bleeding? This is not normal.

By the way, when it says THIS SHIRT HAS TO BUILD STADIUMS, NOT PLAY IN THEM the one guy with the arms is swinging the sledgehammer like a baseball bat. Wonderful editing.

2. I like girls and am married to one, but that one guy with the arms seems nice.

Look at that guy and his arms. I want to be friends with him and them. I want him to drop that sledgehammer and carry me away to safety. I shouldn't be in this crumbling structure that you're so capably destroying! Save me!

3. I want one of these shirts but am not allowed to have one.

Carhartt's checkout process requires you to kill a forest-dwelling mammal and to get one tattoo on your arm and one on your calf. Oh and speaking of calfs, I thought it was a little odd when I was told (just after entering my billing information) that before my shirt would be shipped, I had to nurse a calf to adulthood and then, and I quote, "consume it." Slightly offputting.

One final note: The line


is so, so good.


  1. After watching that I feel like I should bang something immediately or I will lose my manhood. I might try to get my wife pregnant despite the fact that she is already pregnant.

  2. My math to manliness ratio is nearing vagina...

    I watched this in the library and seriously thought about just walking to the construction site next door and picking up a hammer and hitting wood.

  3. I just sent this to the husband at work -- he's an engineer on an Exxon construction site but he doesn't get to play with any of the big toys and he has to wear clean pants/LL Bean shirts every day. His one-line response to the commercial was: "Fun! Can I have one? I'll let you wear it while I [censored adult content]..."

    Boys are weird. But, on the upside, I now know what I will be buying the husband at every gift-giving holiday from now until he's too old and decrepit to [censored adult content]...

    1. Great gift idea. He sounds like a class act. Any guy who lets you wear his shirt while he [does taxes, listens to AM radio, other adult content] is a keeper.

    2. Do you have a single sister?