Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Want a World Series Title, Cubs Fans? You Won't Like This Idea!

April showers make me cranky. You know what else makes me cranky? Another baseball season rolling in, and 1908 is still a relevant year for all Cubs fans. Enough is enough. It's time to take a good, long look at the Chicago Cubs and figure out what needs to be changed in order to finally bring a title to the North Side.  The solution is simple: Wrigley has to go.

While you're busy choking on your caffeinated beverage, allow me to compose a pro/con list, as we all should do when facing a big decision.

Pros of Wrigley Field:
1. Tradition
2. Ivy
3. Scoreboard
4. Bar scene

Cons of Wrigley Field:
1. That aforementioned "Tradition" is nothing but one disappointment after another.
2. Curses
3. The always-present smell of urine, perhaps due to..
4. The pig trough urinals
5. Sitting and watching a game is uncomfortable, which is far from ideal
6. Old Style
7. Below-average food
8. Where's the jumbotron?
9. Really, Mr. Antiquated Scoreboard, the only stats you're giving me are AVG, HR, and RBI? Is this 1940? Have the Germans occupied Poland?
10. Ok, so where do I park?
11. Oh, here's some parki....30 DOLLARS????
12. 7th Inning Stretch Celebrity Singers
13. 92 years of futility

For those of you screaming that it's been 100-plus years of futility and not 92, pat yourselves on the back. You sure do know your Cubs. But they moved to Wrigley in 1916. Know how many titles the Cubs have won since then? This is a tough one, take your time.

1945. 1969. 2003. Goats, Bartmans, and Miracle Mets. There's way too much terrible history to keep playing in Wrigley Field. 

I can hear all you naysayers now. "Blasphemy! How dare you, sir? What about the scoreboard? For God's sake, what about the IVY? WAAAAAAA!!!"

I've talked to so many people that want to keep Wrigley open for those two reasons alone. Scoreboard and ivy. I'm fairly certain it wouldn't be rocket science to have another ivy-covered wall and a similar scoreboard in a new stadium. What's that? It won't be the same? That's right. As you take in the sights, your other senses won't be assaulted by the delicacies of a 95-year-old stadium.

Ask yourself this question, as a Cubs fan. Do you care more about the lure of Wrigley Field than you do about a championship team? I think you do. I think, deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you relish the Lovable Losers tag and take comfort in knowing another futile season is underway. Sure, teams win the World Series every year, but how many teams have gone more than a century without doing it? Just one. 

News flash: That's not something to be proud of. I'm sick of Wrigley and the effect it has on the Cubs and its fans. All breakups are tough, and breakups with manipulative, trashy tramps are even tougher. But we can do it. Then, finally, the Cubs take home the title at brand new, beautiful Bartman Field. 

That's right, Bartman Field. That'd be a nice middle finger extended to Tradition.


  1. okay, you know how I feel about this.

    If it's a question of 1. world series vs. Wrigley - I'll take world series. Seriously.

    2. if it's a question of Wrigley or building a new building for the sake of a new building, I'll take Wrigley. Other stadiums/fields have worked hard to duplicate the atmosphere of Wrigley - why would we willingly give that up for anything less than a world series?

    3. Finally, I hope that my point is clear - I want a World Series VICTORY - none of this appearance crap. Hey, we appeared in the 1945 world series - when was the last time that was mentioned as significant in Cubs history?

  2. The Cubs should be competitive enough to keep pace with the others teams. I really like the Cubs . They’ve always been one of my favourite MLB teams to watch. I pass most time watching and looking for their news and videos. Last time I saw some hot videos of them here:
    http://www.cubszone.comThey really deserve our love so we must not stop supporting them .Go Go Cu