I said no!
His swing makes me happier than pigs are in poo
When he connects on first-pitch fastballs,
No one rakes like King Albert, it's true,
He's the monarch whose bombs scale walls.
His approach at the plate is an odd one indeed,
It's a method that can contradict,
His calm, quiet stance quickly is freed
By a tempest that would make Shakespeare shit.
And so, as another white pill starts its trek
To Big Mac Land, to feed the obese,
A feeling of shame turns me into a wreck
Despite his power display that won't cease.
For while he is, let's face it, The Man
I remain a die-hard Cubs fan.
That was thoroughly creepy, huh? I'm glad we got that out of the way. The reason I'm so conflicted is that Pujols keeps my fantasy baseball team firmly in first place because of what he's doing to the hopes of my real baseball team. The man cannot be stopped, folks. Let's look at where he ranks a month into the 2009 season in the 7 offensive categories my fantasy league tracks. All of these ranks encompass all of Major League Baseball.
Runs: 22 (4th)
HR: 8 (t-3rd)
RBI: 28 (1st)
SB: 4 (t-23rd)
AVG: .337 (t-22nd)
OPS: 1.132 (8th)
I mean, come on. The guy is ridiculous. The runs, home runs, RBIs, batting average, and OPS (on-base % + slugging %) are all expected. What I can't get over is how rarely Pujols strikes out(to put it in perspective, Prince Fielder, another NL Central slugger, currently has 3 home runs, 15 RBIs, and an NL-leading 27 strikeouts) and the fact that Pujols, who has no shortage of mass, has 4 stolen bases already. This is the same number as Jose Reyes, Grady Sizemore, Derek Jeter, and Alfonso Soriano.
All of these incredible stats are good enough to make Albert Pujols the current #2 player in fantasy baseball, behind only the Royals' Zack Greinke. Oh, and Greinke is on my squad, too.