Thursday, May 7, 2009

Summer in Chicago

Today is absolutely ideal Chicago weather. 68 degrees, not a cloud in the sky, slight breeze. Days like this are why Chicagoans tolerate brutal six month winters. Sure, people in LA get this weather every day, but they take it for granted and become numb to it. Screw that. 

Elated at the weather, I decided to walk to the West Loop from Michigan Ave via Jackson. Despite the tank of a laptop slung around my shoulder, I walk at a pretty brisk pace and have timed my trip so that I hit every green light and never have to stop for traffic. 

This warrants mentioning because of what happened at Jackson and Franklin. This is, of course, the southeast corner of the Sears Tower. Every time I walk by it I'm tempted to stare up at it like an idiot tourist and marvel at the scope of what is still the greatest building in the United States. But I never do, since my desire to be recognized and accepted as a Chicagoan overwhelms my childlike wonder. 

Suppressing my inner tourist, I was walking quickly across Franklin. There was a pretty huge truck and a cab behind it waiting for me to cross so they could turn left from Jackson onto Franklin. Let it be known the walk signal was flashing orange, so I still had the right of way. The truck passed behind me, and the cabbie (a late 20s, dark haired white guy) passed me soon after, and as he did, he gave me a little greeting.

Now, I was listening to The Who and couldn't hear much, but I can definitely read lips, and I am 100% positive that the cabbie yelled "Move your ass, bitch!" at me before speeding down Franklin. 

This forthcoming message is preceded by two assumptions. One, that the cabbie has stumbled upon my blog(likely). Two, that the cabbie is literate(not likely).

Let me tell you something, my friend. You obviously had your window down as you passed, so you knew how great it was outside. If you can't enjoy a day like today, the perfect Chicago day, then you'd better just off yourself right now and end your misery. I'm sorry that you work seven 12 hour shifts each week. I'm sorry you hate your job. Here's a wacky notion for you; try to wrap your apelike brain around it. People who hate their jobs quit them and find something better. Oh, we're in a recession? Then further whatever education you have by going back to school. It's not that difficult. If you hate your job so much, quit. Don't douche it up in a yellow cab, hollering at pedestrians and likely running others down. 

I know this sounds crazy, but you can get paid to do something you love. Instead of being a chicken shit, drive-by asshole, have some courage, quit your job, and get happy. It's 68 degrees outside, and the sun is shining. It's about time you enjoyed days like this one.


  1. It should be made known that pedestrians also have the right of way when encountering bicyclists. And people of Chicago, if you are over the age of 12, you must WALK your bike on a sidewalk. Don't say "Coming up on your right!" or anything of the sort. Either ride in the street or walk it on the sidewalk...otherwise I may be forced to have "seizures" and push you into the street anyways...Thanks!

  2. Fantastic point. I particularly enjoy having a passing cyclist rage at me because I have the audacity to walk on the sidewalk. It's called sidewalk, not sidebikelikeanasshole.

    And if you ever do have that "seizure," be sure you take video of it.