Thursday, September 17, 2009

Hey Asshat: I Don't Want to Play Mafia Wars.

No. I do not have 5 minutes.

Just as the invites to play Mafia Wars from my hundreds upon hundreds of friends on Facebook start to die down, I'm greeted with this ad.

Follow this advice, people: If something is being given to you for free, it's probably going to suck. If we're talking video game simulations, then this is true 100% of the time.

If you're saying I shouldn't knock it until I try it, I'll ask you what you think about suicide, you'll express your hatred of it, I'll ask if you've ever tried it, you'll say no, I'll call you a hypocrite, the end.

You know what I'm gonna do instead of Mafia Wars? I don't know either. I might watch Curb or Arrested Development on DVD. Maybe I'll play NHL 10 or MLB 09 The Show. Or Tiger Woods 10, Mario Galaxy or the new Metroid Prime collection. I might read Brothers, the awesome bio on John and Robert Kennedy. What do these awesome options have in common? They all cost money.

19 million people per month play Mafia Wars. Therefore, I am smarter than at least 19 million people, for I have figured out that paying for your entertainment is the best way to be entertained.

Figure it out, reeds.


  1. I'm so proud to call you my son

  2. I illegally pirate music, (COME GET ME FEDS) therefore, I do not pay for my entertainment, although it should be paid for. Where do I fall o wise one?