Monday, September 14, 2009

This Week in Unintended Irony: ESPN & Brian Urlacher

Urlacher wrist injury yields pessimism, yearning for hockey season

This is a screenshot taken from at around noon today and the Nike advertisement that ran underneath the Monday links. I expected that by clicking my mouse and unleashing Urlacher, I'd be a witness to his lightning-quick texting skills, which he used to alert the Chicago Tribune of his injury status. He was apparently able to fight through the wrist pain that comes with sending a text. What a warrior.

Instead the Nike ad showed Urlacher glaring like Michael Vick just Facebooked his dog. He then hulked out on some dude and then glared at me one more time before leaving, presumably to "get his text on."

In case you're having trouble seeing the irony (either because the font is too small or you're an idiot), this Nike ad that showed Urlacher the Undertaker wreaking havoc ran directly underneath a headline saying the Bears' linebacker was out for the season with a wrist boo-boo.

Ok, fine, I've never had a dislocated wrist. It's probably unthinkable amounts of pain that would make me pass out if I had to tolerate it. And to his credit, #54 hurt his wrist fairly early on and played the rest of the 1st half despite the injury. Kind of manly. I'm just venting here.

I mean, It's been a brutal year for Chicago baseball. Chicagoans (both North and South siders) checked out a while ago, looking forward to football season. There was hope for this Bears team. They signed a quarterback. A real one! Yeah, he's kind of a stuck up asshat, and yeah, his decision making and leadership skills are questionable at best, but he can fire a ball 70 yards and thread it anywhere he wants with incredible precision!

Four interceptions later, it's clear Cutler has a vast amount of skill and not a lot of brainpower. It seems that he has so much faith in his cannon arm that he believes he can execute difficult throws in any position. This is why he was so comfortable throwing the ball off his back foot, rolling right or fading away while rolling right.

No, his receivers and his line didn't do him any favors. But transcendent quarterbacks elevate their receivers and fire the ball away quick enough to keep holes in the offensive line patched. Cutler is probably the most physically gifted quarterback in the NFL right now, but he's not transcendent. That says something about how dysfunctional his non-physical skills are.

Meanwhile, Pittsburgh is coming to town to drop the Bears to 0-2, and they're missing their defensive anchor for the entire season.

See you in 2010. Let's go Hawks!

1 comment:

  1. Yeah, but at least Michael Jordan (HOF 2009) isn't a tool.

    Oh, wait, he is?

    Can I just start pulling for some (local) Michigan teams? Say, the Maize & Blue? Or, the Tigers? Please?