Thursday, July 9, 2009


Note from the Luke: This post was written by Dan in response to the surprising passion of One Tree Hill fans in the comments section of "10 Awesome One Tree Hill Quotes," which you can read here.

Stop. Stop right now. You over there, no....NO. Put down the remote control.

Of all the content that has passed through this page, I can't believe One Tree Hill is the one that has lit up our comment board (seven comments being "lit up," but I digress). After reviewing the brilliance and simple lack of experience that attacked our comment board, I'd like to say something.

One Tree Hill sucks. Alright? It's bad. Not good, bad.

It's not bad because it's built for a demographic out of my preferences, or because I'm still walking scarred from my high school days, but because IT IS A BAD SHOW. I can honestly say I'm proud I've never watched 15 minutes of the show. I don't want to and I never will. Why? BECAUSE THE SHOW, AGAIN, IS BAD.



Why would I call it a bad show? I don't, everyone else who watches television does. It has never been rated higher than 117 in the Nielsen popularity ratings for an entire season. 1-freaking-17.

See, shows like CSI, Monday Night Football, etc., will usually have two or three entries on a weekly list when you go by an individual episode, but when using the entire season's average, you have a much more reliable data set.

So, back to my point, 117 was its peak in the second season. Season 5 hit 184 and season 6 sky-rocketed to 170.

Can anyone reading this right now name me 169 other TV programs? ANYONE? No, no you can't. So, it's not popular, we got that covered. "But all my friends watch it, what does that tell you Mr. Smarty-pants?"

You know what it tells me? GET NEW FRIENDS.

Moving on.

While two million lost souls may tune in weekly to find out who got knocked up or whatever the hell goes on in a hill with one tree, lots and lots of more (intelligent) people were busy doing something more entertaining. Like staring at a wall. Or folding towels.

For those of you who are emotionally attached to the characters in a show because they are totally going through the same thing you are, remember these following facts:


- The show is likely written by 40 year-old Harvard and Yale English graduates, not high-school kids.

- Nobody in your high school has an abusive dad, who shot your best friend's dad, just to marry his wife and end up knocking up his step-daughter who may or may not be an Middle Eastern terrorist sponsor.

Okay? Step away from the ledge and understand that if you live life correctly, the person you are at 16, 17, 18 will barely resemble the person you are at 25.

If you don't agree with me, your comment privileges are revoked and flame away. Eat me, I'm going to read a book to recover what I lost just researching this show.

1 comment:

  1. Awesome post. And for all you haters, One Tree Hill really is an awful show. I'm not just saying that to be a macho assclown, either. I've given it a chance.

    I occasionally watch shows that are a little outside of my usual interests because of my relationship status. I don't mind Grey's Anatomy. I can even tolerate Gossip Girl. But I tried to watch OTH and I just couldn't do it.

    I saw an episode that had some really crappy basketball footage followed by some kind of car crash. Those are the only details I can remember because I was trying to ward off a coma that would have been caused by the insufferable dialogue.

    I think what I hate most about shows like these are their insistence that the events that happen in high school more important than anything else you'll ever experience. I actually know a few people personally who peaked in high school, and their lives are now completely pathetic.

    So yes, One Tree Hill is easy to relate to if you yearn for the glory days of high school. So curl up with those OTH DVDs and get the box of kleenex ready. And if you hear an unfamiliar sound that's disturbing your immersion with the greatest show in television history, don't be alarmed. It's just me laughing.