Wednesday, April 21, 2010
An NFL Rant: This Has Ben On My Mind for a While
Well, it turns out Ben Roethlisberger is a dick-waving redneck pervert (his dong might be gray, by the way. Proof). Now that the Steelers' 100 million dollar QB is officially a menace to coeds everywhere, I'd say it's about time to enact a moratorium on the media calling him "Ben."
This paternal garbage was infuriating even before it was discovered Roethlisberger swings his lasso around like a two year old who just discovered it's there. But now that this information has come to light, people are still calling him Ben. For real, you idiots. This needs to stop.
You don't know him. He's not your kid. It's not hard to type Roethlisberger. If you don't know how to spell it, Google it. And if your only job is to SAY his name, either on TV, radio or podcasts, you have even less of an excuse. It's three extra syllables. Do you know how unprofessional you sound? Let me lay it out for you.
When you say: "Roethlisberger took his penis out and screamed YUMMY YUMMY DING DONG TIMES!" you sound like you're doing your job.
When you say: "Ben took his penis out and screamed YUMMY YUMMY DING DONG TIMES!" you sound like you're telling a story of your kid's most recent bathtub experience.
Stop being a dumbass. Figure it out.