Friday, January 22, 2010

Puke Launches Tactical Nuke

Looks like my years of schooling finally paid off! I launched my first tactical nuke on Wednesday, January 20th at roughly 6:30 pm CST. You might have felt the rumble. What exactly is a tactical nuke, you ask? Let's consult Wiki:

"In the video game Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 the player can utilize a Tactical Nuke as a killstreak reward in the game's online multiplayer mode. Once the player has achieved 25 kills without dying, he/she may call in a tactical nuke to be dropped near the battlefield, resulting in a premature ending of the game and an automatic victory for whichever team the device was detonated by. When it is detonated, all the players in the match will witness a 10 second countdown next to a radioactive symbol on their screen. When the countdown reaches zero, time seems to slow down slightly, a bright white light overwhelms the screen and all of the players of the match, including the caller, instantly die, concluding the game."
It is arguably the single greatest individual achievement in Modern Warfare 2. You might say I launched the perfect tactical nuke (more on that later). For now, let's take a look at the specs it took to get it done.

Map: Invasion (pictured above)
Mode: Team Deathmatch Express
Witnesses: My brother and his Illinois State homies
Gun: SCAR-H w/ Grenade Launcher attachment (specs)
Perk 1: Scavenger
Perk 2: Stopping Power
Perk 3: Ninja
Killstreak Rewards: Harrier (7 kills), Chopper gunner (11 kills) Tactical Nuke (25 kills)

Analysis: You might say I launched a perfect tactical nuke. You see, you can launch a tactical nuke as long as you have 25 straight kills without dying. It doesn't matter when you get them. In other words, if you get smoked 4 straight times, then go on a 25-kill rampage, you can still launch the nuke.

I did not die until the nuke was dropped, ending the game. I finished with 31 kills and 1 death (caused by the nuke). The perfect game. BOOM! HEADSHOT!

Some of you may be wondering how exactly I got this done. Was I playing with a bunch of reeds? Well, maybe. To start off, let me explain where I camped.

Yes, I camped. If you can launch a nuke without camping, you're more of a man than me. Take a look at that map again. My favorite place to be in Invasion is the building on the east side marked "Loft." I stay inside, never veering into the open ledge (the ledge is almost always instant death). Being inside the loft gives me a great view of the westward path between the video store/coffee shop and the boutique/cafe, leading all the way to the bathroom. I can also look north thanks to a window in the loft. It's a dynamite spot.

Setting a claymore by the stairway entrance means reeds will venture into the loft and find a bomb waiting to say hello and give them a nice helping of FACE ASPLODE. And this is where the Scavenger perk comes in handy. Head on over to the recently asploded enemy, pick up another claymore and repeat. If your enemies are idiots, they'll just keep running up the stairs and into the room with guns blazing, thinking this Rambo technique will keep their shit from exploding violently.

And let me tell you, my opponents during my nuke streak were dumb as rocks whose moms drank excessively during their rock pregnancies. No fewer than five reeds got themselves a heaping helping of claymore pie and some came back for seconds. Three of them blew up within 30 seconds at one point. Morons.

My harrier jet killed about 3 enemies and the chopper gunner killed another 8. By the time the gunner was done, I had 19 kills. People kept running into my claymores and my SCAR-H rattled off the final few kills. When I had 24, kill number 25 nearly iced me, which would have resulted in me taking my sledgehammered PS3 into a repair shop. Luckily, I won the final stand off and launched the bomb.

My brother and his bros were playing with me online in the Bloomington-Normal area, and they were so excited by what they saw that I'm fairly certain they organized a sudden impromptu circle jerk to commemorate the occasion.

To the ladies out there and the guys who are feminine enough to stay away from first person shooters, I apologize for the severe nerdity of this post. I promise, I will never write in-depth about MW2 again. Until my next tactical nuke.

PS3 Handle: LukeOutBelow - track me down

Bookmark and Share


  1. SO I put my hands up, they're playin my song, the butterflies fly away! Im nodding my head like yeah, moving my hips like yeah!! Its a party in the USA!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Pants on the ground!!!
    Pants on the ground!
    Lookin’ like a fool with you pants on the ground
    Gold in your mouth
    Hat turned sideways, pants hit the ground
    Call yourself a cool cat looking like a fool
    Walking down town with yo pants on the ground
    get it up!!

  3. So yeah I like FPS's. What can I say?
    Theres nothing like the rush of hunting people down and killin' them.
    I mean my hearts beatin, my hearts beating.
    My hands are shakin. My hands are shaking.
    But I'm still shooting,
    and I'm still geting head shots!
    Its like boom headshot,
    boom headshot!