Wednesday, January 6, 2010

23 degrees tomorrow. Possibly a foot of snow. Two words: GOLF WEATHER.

Well, the next few days are going to be intense for Chicagoans (if weatherpersons are actually to be believed. HA! Weatherman joke. I'm totally opening with that in my stand-up act). There's 7 to 9 inches of snow expected tomorrow and up to a foot in some places. (proof)

Thankfully, we have the Internet and wonderful sites like that offer tips for dealing with the crazy snowfall. Check out that forecast to the left. One to two inches expected tonight, 4 to 6 tomorrow. That sure is a whole lot of accumulation. I'm not used to dealing with that kind of volume. Can I get some tips? Maybe on safe snow driving? Or how to pack the perfect snowball? What do you have for me,

"Stay warm on the links?" For real?

Nice work,! It just so happens I'm ditching work tomorrow and heading to Mundelein to play the shit out of Pine Meadow. Thanks for the relevant suggestion. I can't wait to wear my long underwear under my turtleneck under my thin sweater under my windbreaker (as your wardrobe tip suggests). This keeps you warm without sacrificing swing quality, you see. What a wonderfully relevant golf tip!

And I'll be sure to stow my golf balls indoors before my round instead of in the freezing garage, because golf balls retain their zip for roughly 10 hours before they're adversely affected by the weather. THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP, SKILLING!

Hey, here's a thought. If it's 23 degrees out and snowing 12 inches? Don't golf. Be miserable like the rest of us. Don't have fun in the snow. Fun leads to sex which leads to unwanted pregnancies. It's science.

Please don't have golf sex in 12 inches of snow tomorrow. You'll probably get pregnant.

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  1. Oh, that's funny to you? You won't be laughing when someone prematurely pops in your face. It stings. And that is now why I have a lazy eye.

  2. I have nothing that can top the post or the comment. Pure funny brilliance....and poor use of adjectives by me.

    I'm just going to step back and start a slow clap....

  3. Why do you think you were born at the end of August? That's right - snow golf!