Monday, February 8, 2010

The Facebook Double Dip

Everything's Coming up Milhouse!

Just days after being contacted by one Baron Boronski (proof), I find this ad in my Facebook sidebar. And this is NOT an ad that changes its text to fit the profile of the person looking at it. If it simply said "Hey! 26-year-old! Want an iPad?" I'd be all "Pfffff. Whatever, Facebook." But they're looking for a 26-year-old who's also male AND happens to live in Illinois. This ad so eerily fits my life that these can't all be mere coincidences.

This is destiny.

I was planning on buying the absurdly overpriced, obese iPod Touch that's coming soon with my own money. I was going to fund the purchase with some chump change from the millions that are likely coming my way thanks to my new partnership with The Baron. But now, thanks to this new iPad testing gig, it appears I can spend my millions elsewhere. Things just keep going my way!

Facebook 101: How To Murder An Otherwise Great Status Update


If this commenter and Buzz Killington somehow conceived, the resulting offspring would be capable of sucking more fun out of the room than anyone who has ever lived. A tip for said commenter: Before you lecture, do some research. Since you have a Facebook profile, I'm assuming you've heard of Google (they're the company that makes commercials which reduce 26-year-old males from Illinois to tears). The status you commented on is a quote, from one "Liz Lemon." Go ahead and Google her. appears as though Liz Lemon is a fictional character in NBC's 30 Rock.

Therefore, it's astronomically likely that the status you're reading is not how this person actually feels, but it's someone else's words that are being rebroadcast in an effort to brighten the gloom of Monday morning. The proper reaction here is to laugh contentedly to oneself and wonder "Oh, Liz Lemon. Will you EVER find a man?" The improper reaction is to whiff like Dave Kingman and commence the lecturing.


  1. God I hate douchebags.

  2. Oh. My. Goodness. Luke you rock. Several LOLs. Made more funny by an insider's perspective.

    Thank you. It's what I thought but didn't have the guts & words to communicate.


  3. Luke, you are my hero.