It goes without saying that irritation sets in when I catch the program just as Web Gems is running. I missed my nightly recap! Oh well, at least I have SportsCenter. If I have to stare at Linda Cohn to get my highlights, then so be it. She's gotten much better as she's aged, which should be every woman's goal. I wouldn't have predicted it, I must say. I mean, did you see her a few years ago? Let me see if I can scare up a photo...
But as I was saying, I needed my baseball highlights. Alas, I quickly came crashing down when I realized that it was 11:40 PM Central Time. 20 minutes of NFL Live was upon me. Now, don't get me wrong. I love me some Trey, Golic, and Merril. But this is the offseason. I don't care that Romo loves T.O., or that Chad Johnson is a fantastic teammate, or that John Clayton in HD haunts my dreams(if you close your eyes while he's talking, it's much better. He really is the best) Plus, a certain retirement tease has been in the news lately.
Lo and behold, I get 20 minutes of Brett Favre. But I pushed through it, as all champions do. And finally, after an interminable wait, SportsCenter is here! And Linda's with me tonight! Grease me up! Let's do this!
...And of course, the first 8 minutes are all Brett Favre. And every piece of coverage on him is something that I JUST FREAKING WATCHED on NFL Live.
Seriously, enough is enough. I can't take it anymore. What is the deal with SportsCenter and their need to push off-the-field stories into my face night after night? Good lord, don't they have focus groups? Is this what the masses really want to know? Do we need gossip in every single facet of our lives? I just want to watch highlights!
Hey ESPN, I LOVE SPORTS! I love collisions, loose balls, hanging curves, 100 MPH slapshots, diving catches, hustle plays, and little things! I don't care about Chad Johnson's new 'tude or Brett Favre's red Escalade. I don't. Sorry. If they're not making plays, it's not worth knowing.
That's why I love Baseball Tonight. Welcome to the show. Here are some highlights before we even introduce ourselves. That's how it should be. And it gets less than two hours of programming per night. Meanwhile, SportsCenter, that intolerable Hollywood hussy, is on ESPN roughly nine hours each day. Can you explain to me how this makes sense?
Oh wait, I have to go. They're about to tell me what Favre had for dinner.