Friday, November 20, 2009

5 Classic Movies in Reverse (Inspired by HIGHDEAS)

Today, Deadspin introduced me to a site called HIGHDEAS, in which stoners submit their awesome, mind-blowing revelations while in an altered state. A lot of the submissions are typical eyeroll-inducing stoner babble, such as potheads expressing a severe desire to move to Amersterdam, open a coffee shop and just LIVE, man!

Sadly, those idiots will never put down the bong long enough to get off the couch, let alone buy a plane ticket with money that could be spent on drugs. However, there are some genuinely awesome observations hiding amid the stereotypes. Such as:

But the obvious winner and the inspiration for this post is:

Thank you for the inspiration, anonymous stoner. In your honor, here are 5 classic films seen in reverse.

Roy Munson had it all: a loving and beautiful woman, a dominant bowling career and lucrative endorsement deals. But he was missing the two things he wanted most: his right hand and great hair. So he embarked on a nationwide journey with an out-of-control Randy Quaid to get those things back. Along the way he convinced Quaid to join up with the Amish. Munson gets his hair and hand back in a wild series of events that last less than a minute. His hand rejuvenation procedure appeared to be quite painful, as he screamed bloody murder in a bowling alley during the process. But he soon lived happily ever after, celebrating his newfound hand and hair by stealing a slice of a guy's pizza, who inexplicably didn't give a shit.

Cast Away
Chuck Noland is a skinny ladies man who makes the wise choice by letting go of a character played by Helen Hunt. Apparently he doesn't like his decision, however, because he jumps off a ship and onto a raft and stays there until he lands on a remote island. Oh and while on his raft, in the middle of the ocean, he encounters a volleyball dressed in racist garb. Despite not eating much and staying on the island for years, Chuck grows fatter and less hairy. He finally decides to get off the island, so he conjures an inflatable raft out of thin air, then uses his magical prowess to reverse a tragic plane crash. Chuck celebrates by working for FedEx and proposing to Helen Hunt. The End.

Tommy Boy
A successful, albeit obese, auto parts company president embarks on a nationwide sales trip. He inexplicably gets worse and worse at selling car parts so he decides to go back to Marquette. He takes 7 years to graduate. Then, also inexplicably, he transforms into a small (but still really fat) child and slams his face into a screen door right after he misses the bus. The End.

The Shawshank Redemption
Andy Dufresne is a man with an awesome property on the ocean in Mexico. He is tanned and healthy. Then he decides to break into Shawshank and stay there for over 20 years. When he finally gets out, he resurrects his murdered wife, watches her have sex with the town golf pro, then gets absolutely hammered. The End.

A model played by Ben Stiller makes the same face for the entire movie. The End.

Now it's your turn, y'all. There are thousands that I missed, so write your favorite backwards movie plot in the comments section. If you could include Nicolas Cage movies whenever possible, that would flat-out make my day.


  1. National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets
    The hero of the movie, Ed Harris, is brought back to life after drowning while saving these random people. Wait..not random. They're trying to balance on this really tall thing before Nicholas Cage makes this hilarious joke about getting his hand chopped off. Whew! Thank goodness they had a water bottle. Mount Rushmore. President is an alright guy considering he got kidnapped. RANDY TRAVIS! Washington D.C. (didn't see that one coming..). There's the book of secrets. Paris. Who would taser Jon Voight? Washington D.C. again. Nicholas Cage? Still? That car got towed. Gate's family name is tarnished, again. Ed Harris! Nice, Abe Lincoln got brought back from the dead.


    Walter and the dude confront the big lebowski about not really being a paraplegic as walter shoves him face down from his wheelchair. They proceed to tell him that they know he kidnapped his own wife. The dude drinks a white Russian. Danny(steve buschemi) has a heart attack after seeing three Germans dressed in black tights. Walter and the Dude steal the ransom from the big lebowski -a briefcase with a million dollars. The Dude drinks a white Russian. The dude and Walter begin to doubt the big lebowski kidnapped his own wife, and have a spat whether they should give the suitcase back or a different suitcase full of underwear. The dude is flustered so he drinks a white Russian. The dude decides to give the big lebowski a ug as a peace offering while returning the million dollars. He shows up at the big lebwoski’s mansion and turns down a sexual favor from the big lebowski’s wife because he’d rather drink a white Russian.

  3. Sleepless in Seattle:

    Girl meets boy, then obsesses about seeing him again. This plot lasts the entire movie, where (on Christmas Eve) she listens to a poor sap and his son on the radio. Because he is the MOHD, she decides to get engaged to an entirely different man. The MOHD, (aka: poor sap) decides to move to Seattle, where he finds it practically impossible to sleep. The movie ends as the sap loses his wife to cancer. Adorable boy remains throughout the movie, adorable.