Today, Deadspin introduced me to a site called HIGHDEAS, in which stoners submit their awesome, mind-blowing revelations while in an altered state. A lot of the submissions are typical eyeroll-inducing stoner babble, such as potheads expressing a severe desire to move to Amersterdam, open a coffee shop and just LIVE, man!
Sadly, those idiots will never put down the bong long enough to get off the couch, let alone buy a plane ticket with money that could be spent on drugs. However, there are some genuinely awesome observations hiding amid the stereotypes. Such as:
But the obvious winner and the inspiration for this post is:
Thank you for the inspiration, anonymous stoner. In your honor, here are 5 classic films seen in reverse.
Roy Munson had it all: a loving and beautiful woman, a dominant bowling career and lucrative endorsement deals. But he was missing the two things he wanted most: his right hand and great hair. So he embarked on a nationwide journey with an out-of-control Randy Quaid to get those things back. Along the way he convinced Quaid to join up with the Amish. Munson gets his hair and hand back in a wild series of events that last less than a minute. His hand rejuvenation procedure appeared to be quite painful, as he screamed bloody murder in a bowling alley during the process. But he soon lived happily ever after, celebrating his newfound hand and hair by stealing a slice of a guy's pizza, who inexplicably didn't give a shit.
Chuck Noland is a skinny ladies man who makes the wise choice by letting go of a character played by Helen Hunt. Apparently he doesn't like his decision, however, because he jumps off a ship and onto a raft and stays there until he lands on a remote island. Oh and while on his raft, in the middle of the ocean, he encounters a volleyball dressed in racist garb. Despite not eating much and staying on the island for years, Chuck grows fatter and less hairy. He finally decides to get off the island, so he conjures an inflatable raft out of thin air, then uses his magical prowess to reverse a tragic plane crash. Chuck celebrates by working for FedEx and proposing to Helen Hunt. The End.
A successful, albeit obese, auto parts company president embarks on a nationwide sales trip. He inexplicably gets worse and worse at selling car parts so he decides to go back to Marquette. He takes 7 years to graduate. Then, also inexplicably, he transforms into a small (but still really fat) child and slams his face into a screen door right after he misses the bus. The End.
The Shawshank Redemption
Andy Dufresne is a man with an awesome property on the ocean in Mexico. He is tanned and healthy. Then he decides to break into Shawshank and stay there for over 20 years. When he finally gets out, he resurrects his murdered wife, watches her have sex with the town golf pro, then gets absolutely hammered. The End.
A model played by Ben Stiller makes the same face for the entire movie. The End.
Now it's your turn, y'all. There are thousands that I missed, so write your favorite backwards movie plot in the comments section. If you could include Nicolas Cage movies whenever possible, that would flat-out make my day.