Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Analysis of the Worst Facebook Ad Ever (Warning: Contains Perplexing Nudity)

So I was about to write another chapter in the Luke's Legendary Facebook Statuses tome when I took a look at the ads in the sidebar, as I usually do. I always notice them but never click on them, making me a pain in the ass of every web marketer out there. It wasn't long before I took a second glance at the Mobsters 2 ad. And no, it's not because there was a scantily clad digitally-rendered female holding a gun.

Something just didn't look right. Call it intuition if you want. Maybe it was the lighting. Maybe it was the odd look of the gun she was holding. Or maybe it was THE EXTRA PAIR OF SWEATER MELONS WHERE HER HIPS SHOULD BE.

Seriously, WTF Facebook? If this is the next step in evolution, count me the eff out. What in the world was going on during the development meetings for Mobsters 2 advertising?

Mobsters 2 Ad Guy #1: Hey Shane, we gotta sit down and come up with our next Facebook ad.

Mobsters 2 Ad Guy #2: Sounds like a plan, Preston. Let's get to brainstorming.

Preston: Okay, our game has some guns in it. I like guns. We should have a picture of a gun. A big ass gun.

Shane: Duuuuude, I was thinking the same thing! You know what else I love along with guns? Chicks. Chicks showing a ton of skin! You follow me?

Preston: Oh, TOTALLY, brah! Chicks and guns, now we're onto something. Okay, the copy in the ad should have a sweet double meaning going for it.

Shane: You mean a nice little double entendre, brah?

Preston: Oh, TOTALLY, brah!

Shane: How about "This chick is hot and wants to have sex with you?"

Preston: I love where your head's at but that doesn't really have the gray area...

Shane: You mean gay area?

Preston: Nice. Let's high five.

They high five.

Preston: Anyway, it's missing the gray area that we need. How about "Unload on the competition?"

Shane: Wow. Goosebumps, brah. Goosebumps.

Preston: Thanks.

Shane: Okay, I was thinking about something last night. Stay with me here, it's a complicated concept. Okay, what do you love more than anyth-

Preston: Boobs.

Shane: Exactly! Ok, here's where it gets a little crazy. What if...what if we added some extra boobage where there typically isn't boobage?

Preston: Like on the forehead?

Shane: Yeah! You're on the right track. I was actually thinking on the hips. It doesn't make much sense, but who cares? Extra boobs, brah!

Preston: Dude, totally! Wow, this ad is money in the bank. Do we need to cover them up?

Shane: Nahhhhh. It's Facebook, brah! They have way too many ads coming in to meticulously check each one.

Preston: Lock it up.

Shane: Oh, it's locked up.

Preston: We have the best names ever.

I tried finding some contact info for ANY Facebook employee so I could report this horrifying image that will surely replace the whale in me nightmares. Sadly, the leaders of the world's leading social network are impossible to contact (I sure do love me some irony). So, if any of you would like to forward this post along to someone you know at Facebook, please do so.

Hopefully we can all agree that hip boobs are confusing, oddly disgusting and downright scary. If not, at least we can call agree that it's the worst advertising ever.


  1. break me off some sweater melons

  2. Preston is most definitely better looking than Shane. And Greg, if someone held me at gunpoint and told me to pick someone who would love hip boobs or die, you'd definitely be in the Top 3.