Thursday, July 31, 2008
Brett FaVre (Luke's Take)
Look at him. Different number, comically large face, and he has no idea what he will one day become.
I'd like to start by saying that I called this from the beginning. When Brett Favre first retired, I had a discussion with one of my die-hard Packer fan friends, who we'll call Even Berard for anonymity's sake. I said that Favre would be back, the Packers wouldn't want him, and he would eventually be traded to Minnesota. That's right, I predicted this from the get-go. I'm a badass.
Well, Even Berard nearly passed out when he heard me say this. A long-winded, albeit eloquent, tirade soon followed. "Brett Favre is the best quarterback of all-time! How can you possibly say the Packers won't want him back? He would be welcomed with open arms! I ask you, Luke, who will be the Packers quarterback if Favre isn't there? Aaron Rodgers? (Here Even laughs condescendingly, which makes me want to punch him squarely in the face) If the Packers turn away Brett Favre, I will no longer follow the team."
This conversation occurred a week or two after Favre's retirement press conference, which can now officially go down as one of the biggest wastes of time in the past few years. More on that later. But first, back to Even. I can't blame him for being so loyal to his boyhood hero. Nostalgia is a powerful thing, folks. It's the reason we pine for the days of the NES, we remember our first girlfriends fondly even though they were likely two-bit hoochies, and little things that are meaningless to everyone else have profound truth to us(the smell of Watermelon Bubblicious instantly transports me back to sunny summer days playing Little League baseball).
Sadly, if you're an NFL General Manager, nostalgia cannot enter the picture, ever ever EVER. Ted Thompson knows this, and it seems he's wanted Favre out ever since #4 started toying with the franchise every offseason. "Am I coming back? Am I retiring? Play with this string while I decide!" The Packers are ready to move on. How ready are they? They plan on starting Aaron Rodgers over him. Yikes. And oh yeah, there's also this: They just offered Brett Favre 20 million dollars to stay retired.
That astounding figure isn't too shocking when you consider that Favre will make $12M simply by putting on a uniform this year, with possible salaries of $13M and $14M in 2009 and 2010. He wants to play, folks. You could see it during his fake retirement press conference that came with readymade fake tears. In that two hour debacle, I got one worthwhile piece of information from Favre when he said "I know I can still play." Right there, I knew he'd be back.
By the way, Brett: you're kind of a moron. Of course you're going to want to retire immediately after a long season! You just froze your ass off in a losing effort in a home playoff game! You're too old for this, right? Yeah! But then...weeks and months go by. Your aging body slowly recovers. You stop thinking about the weather in your last game and start going over and over that last pass you made in your head. Shit. You've made a huge mistake. It's okay, they'll take you back. They always do. You're like that kinky ex-girlfriend. Totally unpredictable and abusive, but an absolute freak.
But they won't take you back this time. They're finally moving on. So now what? Well, after whispers of New York and Tampa Bay, it appears that you have 3 current options. Take your 20 million and stay retired, play for the Vikings, or play for the Bears. Just as I predicted. Many people thought the Packers would never trade you to a rival. Turns out those are the only places you'll go. Why? Obviously, you could stick it to Green Bay twice a year.
A lot of people might say that John Elway handled retirement right, and Brett Favre handled it wrong. But this is comparing apples to oranges, success to failure. Elway went out a repeat Super Bowl champion. There's not much more you can do at that point. Favre went out by throwing one of the worst passes of his career. I think he wants to prove that he's still got something in the tank. And Chicago's a good place to prove it! Come on over, Brett! We're happy to have you! And when you do, I'll drive up to Wisconsin and walk around in my new Favre jersey, give Packer fans the gun show, and wave a sign that reads "ENJOY THE AARON RODGERS ERA!"
In your face, Even Berard. You can hop on board as well. It seems that you're looking for a new team to root for, anyway.
Brett FaVre
Are you tired of hearing the name? I know I am. Listening to ESPN radio yesterday, Frank Caliendo was doing a number of his unreal impressions and ended with John Madden talking about Brett Favre. It was hilarious...
He got going on a point where the #4 should be retired. Not just in Green Bay, or the NFL, but in the world. John Madden Caliendo wants to retire the #4 from the world. From now on kids in school would learn; one, two, three, farve, five, six, seven.....
And that is when it hit me. Brett Farve has become a punchline. He's Michael Jordan or George Foreman. He's a guy who isn't capable of letting go. I don't personally know Mr. Favre, I don't know if he's doing this because he loves football or loves the spotlight, but I wouldn't be surprised by either if the question were ever answered.
This situation irritates me because he is simply bending over the Packers. There is no good answer for their front office. Trade him and get ready to unleash hell. Keep him and place him at the #2, you will piss off fans who are too stupid to really understand football and how player development works. Favre maybe has a year left, Aaron Rodgers is ready now and isn't going to wait around anymore. He's got a NFL MBA from one of the best teachers possible in Favre, he is the future of your franchise, take your pick Packer fans; a year of nostalgia or a legitimate contender for the forseeable future.
If that isn't enough to be sure who you want starting, chew on this. In 1977 the LA Rams picked up a HOFer named Joe Namath. It was going to be his 12th season in the league and he made everyone sure that he was ready to lead a new team. Four weeks in and Namath is on the bench. A guy named Pat Haden comes in and has an unreal 10 games and is voted into the Pro Bowl. Namath retires next season, in a different uniform and a shell of his former self. A few years later he asks Suzy Kolber to make out. See what happens????
Would it be that bad for Brett Favre? Probably not. He's kept himself in shape and is a better QB than Namath ever was. But, it's not improbable and no one player is bigger than a franchise to allow a gamble like that. Especially a gamble with a possible franchise QB in Rodgers hanging in the mix. Brett Favre should know this.
He got going on a point where the #4 should be retired. Not just in Green Bay, or the NFL, but in the world. John Madden Caliendo wants to retire the #4 from the world. From now on kids in school would learn; one, two, three, farve, five, six, seven.....
And that is when it hit me. Brett Farve has become a punchline. He's Michael Jordan or George Foreman. He's a guy who isn't capable of letting go. I don't personally know Mr. Favre, I don't know if he's doing this because he loves football or loves the spotlight, but I wouldn't be surprised by either if the question were ever answered.
This situation irritates me because he is simply bending over the Packers. There is no good answer for their front office. Trade him and get ready to unleash hell. Keep him and place him at the #2, you will piss off fans who are too stupid to really understand football and how player development works. Favre maybe has a year left, Aaron Rodgers is ready now and isn't going to wait around anymore. He's got a NFL MBA from one of the best teachers possible in Favre, he is the future of your franchise, take your pick Packer fans; a year of nostalgia or a legitimate contender for the forseeable future.
If that isn't enough to be sure who you want starting, chew on this. In 1977 the LA Rams picked up a HOFer named Joe Namath. It was going to be his 12th season in the league and he made everyone sure that he was ready to lead a new team. Four weeks in and Namath is on the bench. A guy named Pat Haden comes in and has an unreal 10 games and is voted into the Pro Bowl. Namath retires next season, in a different uniform and a shell of his former self. A few years later he asks Suzy Kolber to make out. See what happens????
Would it be that bad for Brett Favre? Probably not. He's kept himself in shape and is a better QB than Namath ever was. But, it's not improbable and no one player is bigger than a franchise to allow a gamble like that. Especially a gamble with a possible franchise QB in Rodgers hanging in the mix. Brett Favre should know this.
Oh, and by the way...
If Brett Favre ends up in a Bears uniform, I hereby renege all previous critical comments made about Mr. Favre and his abilities.
On the Bears he could be good. Anything is better than a Rex Grossman / Kyle Orton "World's Tallest Midget" fight for the starting QB position.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
My Experience With Brooke Knows Best
My God. This is what happens when parental influences flush themselves down the pooper via a divorce and an immature blonde goes out on her own in Miami. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
In this episode, which I'll call "Party City" because that's all Brooke seems to be able to say, a house warming party is being planned.
This show is so effing scripted. First, Brooke spies a kite surfer on the ocean and walks over to him with cameras all up in her face. Nice, Brooke. Very discrete. Then the d-bag surfer says "don't I know you from somewhere?" Excellent inquiry, Freud. Brooke proceeds to invite him to a party. Things are good in Brookville! Nothing can possibly go wrong.
DRAMA ALERT!
Brooke's, ex, whose name sounds a lot like "Stacks," is showing up to the party too! No! Things will surely collide! Well, I'm officially sucked in. Can't change the channel now.
On a side note, Brooke's straight friend Ashley and gay friend Glenn tried to get her to somehow uninvite either Damien (the surfer) or Stacks (the ex with a really cool name). That'd make sense, right? Well, yeah, but then there wouldn't be drama, you guys! I mean, come on!
Party time!!! Damien is at the party. So is Stacks. Drama! Brooke notices Stacks is checking Ashley out, and her heart "breaks into a million pieces." Sadness abounds. She approaches Ashley to intelligently talk through the issue.
"I noticed, like, Stacks was totally looking you up and down and he is like, totally into you."
Eloquent. Brooke then shuts herself in a bedroom, calls Gay Glenn, and makes him tell her "Why are you letting a boy ruin your fun? Cereal!" I'm pretty sure gay people sometimes sub the word cereal for the word seriously.
Stacks just called Damien Goldilocks behind his back. Sweet.
Brooke's place is getting trashed. Security has been summoned. The party is over. It's down to Brooke, Damien, Glenn, and Ashely. Damien is leaving. He says goodbye.
WHAT? NO KISS?
"Earth to Damien!" says Glenn. lol @ Glenn
Yayy, Damien just came back, got on his tiptoes, and kissed Brooke. Tragedy averted. This show is awful. And in case my description of this program somehow made you want to watch the show, here you go.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
The Tim McCarver 2008 All-Star Game Log
For those of you lucky enough not to have familiarized yourselves with Fox's #1 color commentator, Tim McCarver is comedic gold. His comments are better than anything I could possibly invent, so here we go! My VHS recording of the All-Star Game is ready to go, so let's see what happens!
Top 1st: Indians pitcher Cliff Lee strikes out Florida's Hanley Ramirez with a cutter that paints the outside corner. Says McCarver, "That looked like a cut fastball in on the hands." And we're underway!
The top of the 1st concludes peacefully as Lee retires the National League in order. To take up some time, here's a Dos Equis commercial I just saw. This is one of the funniest ad campaigns out there right now.
Bottom 1st: McCarver with a fascinating stat! The Yankees last won a World Series in 2000, and in that year Derek Jeter was both the All-Star Game and World Series MVP! It's a new McCarver!
Bottom 1st: Ok, never mind. McCarver just compared Chase Utley's compact swing to NL starting pitcher Ben Sheets's "compact curveball." I am definitely uncertain as to what that could possibly mean.
Top 2nd: Cliff Lee is apparently gunning for the 2008 Chuck Norris Award as well as the AL Cy Young. He does pull ups while hunting deer! WHAT???
Top 2nd: McCarver seems amazed by the fact that since the All-Star Game began in 1933, the AL has outscored the NL by one run. Yeah, Tim. It's pretty hard to believe! If he were a currency commentator, he'd tell us that in 75 penny flips, heads leads tails by the ever-so-close score of 38-37. Remarkable! What are the odds?
Bottom 2nd: Ben Sheets is now facing Manny Ramirez, "the best two-strike hitter in baseball." See, it's remarks like this that get McCarver in trouble. Manny is most likely a brilliant two-strike hitter. As a matter of fact, he is one of the best hitters ever and arguably the best pure hitter of his generation. All of these comments are safer than the one McCarver made. When you call someone THE BEST, you'd better have some evidence to back it up. But he never does. Elias Sports Bureau really needs to do take him under its wing.
Well, we've gotten the Miller High Life beer thief and Subway Jared in one half-inning's worth of commercials. I have a counter-intuitive theory that having a camera crew following you can make it much easier to pull off petty thefts. The presence of cameras enables misdeeds? Believe it, folks! Can I dress up as a Miller employee and gank some High Life from hoity toity establishments? I can picture it now..."50 dollars for a round of laser tag? How dare you! I'm just going to take this case of horrendous beer. While I do it, you'd better think about what you've done." What a sweet ad campaign High Life has. They certainly know their demographic: the broke-ass alcoholic redneck. In other words, Arkansas loves to live the High Life. Personally, I'd rather pound some Icehouse. Or diesel gas.
Top 3rd: Well, Tim and Joe Buck are interviewing Yogi Berra, and...did it happen? Yes! Tim McCarver has done the impossible! He has rendered Yogi Berra speechless! The question that did the job? "Yogi, have you ever not had any fun?" Sweet Moses.
Hey! Spanish from Old School just reminded me that there's only one October! I'll take it. Anyone's better than Dane Cook, the world's first and only person to be out-acted by the Jessicas. No small feat.
Top 4th: News flash: Albert Pujols's legs will consistently get plowed by Ichiro's right arm. Just a heads up.
Bottom 4th: Big Z on the hill! I love the nutjob. I hear he racks up thousand-dollar tabs at restaurants with his buddies and never tips, but hey, who doesn't? The guy throws smoke. He just struck out A-Rod, the subject of Jayson Stark's fantastic article that scolded the Yankees slugger for passing up on the Derby. Alex Rodriguez currently leads my list of baseball players I want to be busted for steroids. He's just a conceited, above-it-all, family-destroying dirtbag.
The top of the 1st concludes peacefully as Lee retires the National League in order. To take up some time, here's a Dos Equis commercial I just saw. This is one of the funniest ad campaigns out there right now.
Bottom 1st: McCarver with a fascinating stat! The Yankees last won a World Series in 2000, and in that year Derek Jeter was both the All-Star Game and World Series MVP! It's a new McCarver!
Bottom 1st: Ok, never mind. McCarver just compared Chase Utley's compact swing to NL starting pitcher Ben Sheets's "compact curveball." I am definitely uncertain as to what that could possibly mean.
Top 2nd: Cliff Lee is apparently gunning for the 2008 Chuck Norris Award as well as the AL Cy Young. He does pull ups while hunting deer! WHAT???
Top 2nd: McCarver seems amazed by the fact that since the All-Star Game began in 1933, the AL has outscored the NL by one run. Yeah, Tim. It's pretty hard to believe! If he were a currency commentator, he'd tell us that in 75 penny flips, heads leads tails by the ever-so-close score of 38-37. Remarkable! What are the odds?
Bottom 2nd: Ben Sheets is now facing Manny Ramirez, "the best two-strike hitter in baseball." See, it's remarks like this that get McCarver in trouble. Manny is most likely a brilliant two-strike hitter. As a matter of fact, he is one of the best hitters ever and arguably the best pure hitter of his generation. All of these comments are safer than the one McCarver made. When you call someone THE BEST, you'd better have some evidence to back it up. But he never does. Elias Sports Bureau really needs to do take him under its wing.
Well, we've gotten the Miller High Life beer thief and Subway Jared in one half-inning's worth of commercials. I have a counter-intuitive theory that having a camera crew following you can make it much easier to pull off petty thefts. The presence of cameras enables misdeeds? Believe it, folks! Can I dress up as a Miller employee and gank some High Life from hoity toity establishments? I can picture it now..."50 dollars for a round of laser tag? How dare you! I'm just going to take this case of horrendous beer. While I do it, you'd better think about what you've done." What a sweet ad campaign High Life has. They certainly know their demographic: the broke-ass alcoholic redneck. In other words, Arkansas loves to live the High Life. Personally, I'd rather pound some Icehouse. Or diesel gas.
Top 3rd: Well, Tim and Joe Buck are interviewing Yogi Berra, and...did it happen? Yes! Tim McCarver has done the impossible! He has rendered Yogi Berra speechless! The question that did the job? "Yogi, have you ever not had any fun?" Sweet Moses.
Hey! Spanish from Old School just reminded me that there's only one October! I'll take it. Anyone's better than Dane Cook, the world's first and only person to be out-acted by the Jessicas. No small feat.
Top 4th: News flash: Albert Pujols's legs will consistently get plowed by Ichiro's right arm. Just a heads up.
Bottom 4th: Big Z on the hill! I love the nutjob. I hear he racks up thousand-dollar tabs at restaurants with his buddies and never tips, but hey, who doesn't? The guy throws smoke. He just struck out A-Rod, the subject of Jayson Stark's fantastic article that scolded the Yankees slugger for passing up on the Derby. Alex Rodriguez currently leads my list of baseball players I want to be busted for steroids. He's just a conceited, above-it-all, family-destroying dirtbag.
And the recording of the game just stopped! It only lasted 4 innings! Looks like my McCarver bashing will have to be cut a bit short. So what have we learned? First, DON'T RECORD TV ON VHS. What is this, 1989? I'm an idiot. But as for McCarver, it seems to me that his biggest flaw (other than not knowing how to analyze a slow-motion replay...I mean, come on, a monkey could do it) is his oversimplification. He has a somewhat delusional belief that TV viewers know nothing about baseball, so he picks the simplest topics and expounds them into the ground. So either he's misguided about the baseball knowledge of Joe Baseballfan, or he's a complete moron who can only analyze baseball's simplest aspects.
Wow, I just realized this game lasted 15 innings. It's 2:45 am right now. Maybe it's a good thing the tape ran out. For those of you craving something more to read about James Timothy McCarver, here you go.
28, Part III
Readers; sometimes brevity is all that is needed. Hopefully, you clicked the link that single sentence was hyperlinked to. It's an article on ESPN written by Josh Hamilton himself.
Luke, I'll now be long-winded to make the following points about why you are playing the excellent role of an instigating journalist with your last post:
1. Any real fan has a bitter taste about 1998 and the era of size 8 3/4 baseball cap. Of course I meant he's a good bridge to the new age of juiceless sluggers.
2. This guy is as natural a hitter as they come. He batted .556 his senior year of high school. I don't care what the quality of pitching was he faced, that's really, really high. Even Joe Morgan, who believes nobody played baseball better than Joe Morgan, said that Hamilton is simply a natural hitter. He was when he was 18 and he is now.
2-1. A former drug addict, while may seem susceptible to steroids, is the last person who would be injecting themselves with a substance if truly trying to stay clean. The addiction to drugs does not stop with a certain type of drug. Hamilton has a friend who is literally with him 24/7 to make sure he doesn't fall off the wagon. Hamilton said he doesn't trust himself to stay clean - yet. Plus, this is a guy who fell into drugs by being around the wrong people - I bet shady trainers are nowhere to be found now. Moving on past that, MLB has ramped up its steroids testing, it is much better than before. Not great, but better.
Also, it isn't like he's doing this in games. He was getting served up by a high school coach. It's been noted again and again that while it may add some length to home runs, it won't make a bad hitter a good hitter. You yourself, Luke, have made this point in a similar conversation. Here's a quote from Hamilton last year:
"I love this game. It's the only thing I've been good at," says Hamilton.
Luke, I'll now be long-winded to make the following points about why you are playing the excellent role of an instigating journalist with your last post:
1. Any real fan has a bitter taste about 1998 and the era of size 8 3/4 baseball cap. Of course I meant he's a good bridge to the new age of juiceless sluggers.
2. This guy is as natural a hitter as they come. He batted .556 his senior year of high school. I don't care what the quality of pitching was he faced, that's really, really high. Even Joe Morgan, who believes nobody played baseball better than Joe Morgan, said that Hamilton is simply a natural hitter. He was when he was 18 and he is now.
2-1. A former drug addict, while may seem susceptible to steroids, is the last person who would be injecting themselves with a substance if truly trying to stay clean. The addiction to drugs does not stop with a certain type of drug. Hamilton has a friend who is literally with him 24/7 to make sure he doesn't fall off the wagon. Hamilton said he doesn't trust himself to stay clean - yet. Plus, this is a guy who fell into drugs by being around the wrong people - I bet shady trainers are nowhere to be found now. Moving on past that, MLB has ramped up its steroids testing, it is much better than before. Not great, but better.
Also, it isn't like he's doing this in games. He was getting served up by a high school coach. It's been noted again and again that while it may add some length to home runs, it won't make a bad hitter a good hitter. You yourself, Luke, have made this point in a similar conversation. Here's a quote from Hamilton last year:
"I love this game. It's the only thing I've been good at," says Hamilton.
"What's crazy is that I never even considered using steroids. I know it doesn't make sense. But I love this game so much that I would never cheat it."
4. Your worthless stab at trying to peg me as a cousin-loving racist was weak. I feel as if your skills are fading with age.
First, I only mentioned Josh Hamilton, not any of the other seven players or any instance of race, ethnicity, etc. So, thanks for trying to create an extremely vague notion and pass it off as my intention. Bad. Not good, bad.
Second, I can guarantee your new culture awareness was brought on by the EXACT SAME POINT Steve Phillips made in the ESPN pre-show. And, since you left it out, there were players of color who were invited to play in the derby, but decided not to participate because of swing issues or injury (Vlad, Ortiz, Tejada, ARod and more). The only argument was that of Morneau, but they went through the list of AL players who could be in it in the broadcast and nobody was able to come up with a slugger. You Suck. Love You.
Nice weak-assed try at getting me. But, next time stick to lines like: "Jeeze Dan, what size shirt is this? Tent?"
28, Part II
Excellent post, Dan. Very articulate.
I don't exactly follow the only sentence of your post. Are you saying that baseball was struggling and it needed a guy that could bring fans back to the game? If so, you're an idiot, because that already happened when fans felt violated after the 1994 strike until Sosa and McGwire started hitting bombs back and forth in 1998. But I'm pretty sure you weren't saying that.
What I think you were saying is that baseball, despite its overwhelming recent success, is in need of a cleaner image in the aftermath of the steroid era. I can't think of a better person to usher in this new era of cleanliness than drug, alcohol, and tattoo-addicted Josh Hamilton! But seriously, I was rooting for Hamilton during the HR Derby, and I've been rooting for him all year since I drafted him onto my fantasy team(yeah, I'm a badass). I really do wish the best for Hamilton in the future; the guy has been through every circle of Hell and has fought his way back, which is incredible.
That being said, there's one thing that everyone seems to be overlooking: Hamilton might not be steroid-free. The guy was kicked out of baseball for 3 years, and the only swings he took in that time were at coin-operated batting cages when he was in between fixes. Now he's hitting the poop shoot out of major league pitching and blasting 500+ foot home runs at Yankee Stadium. I really, really hope that Hamilton is clean. I think he is. But there's some doubt there, that's all I'm saying. He needs to get tested and show all of us that his incredible first round at the Derby was simply his God-given talent. That's what baseball needs, and I think that's what you were saying in that single sentence that you wrote, correct?
And what you unintentionally said in your post is that baseball needed a home run derby with 8 white Americans and zero African-Americans, Hispanics, or Asians. Way to reveal yourself as a hardcore racist, Dan. Write more than one effing sentence next time.
Monday, July 14, 2008
It's Griffey, Bitch!
For those of you slightly less nerdy than I, let me illuminate the gold mine that is the Wii's Virtual Console. Upon being plugged in, your Wii searches for an internet signal like a bloodhound tracking fox farts. Once found, BOOM! Scores of new information are at your remote-wielding fingertips. What's the weather like in Istanbul? Let's check. Did C.C. Sabathia suffer a horrific injury last night? Can't wait to find out! Can I finally download Ken Griffey, Jr. Presents Major League Baseball for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System?
No, I cannot. But I should effing be able to do so.
You see, my favorite internet-based program on the Wii is its Virtual Console. The VC let's you jump into a time machine and re-play all of the classics from when you were young. 5 dollars for an NES game, 8 dollars for a SNES or Genesis game, and 10 bucks for an N64 game. Um...CHA-CHING. Nintendo is making bank on this idea. And you'd think that with all the extra money flowing in, some ingenuity might be spawned. Not the case.
I want to play Griffey Baseball. It is (in my opinion, which is always a flat-out fact) the greatest sports game created on the Super NES and one of the best games of all time. Fact. 575 foot blasts! Full seasons! Ridiculous diving catches, double plays, 103 mph heaters and 50 mph changeups! HEY NINTENDO! I WILL PAY 8 DOLLARS FOR THIS GAME! AND I WILL NOT BE ALONE!
Instead, on June 18th, Nintendo finally gave us Ninja Combat! Oh man! Finally! It feels like I've waited 4 eternities! I can finally guide Musashi to glorious victory! Here's the review of the game from ign.com. It's not a positive one.
Look, it's not difficult. I want to be able to have a say in what games are released. This is America. I want a vote. This is not 1965 in Moscow. Joe Stalin does not tell me what to do. If I could somehow wipe my ass with Ninja Combat, I would. That's the only way it might be worth 9 dollars to me. The fact that it was released long before Griffey is ludicrous.
But upon visiting its website, it's obvious that Nintendo will be selfishly releasing games we have no intention of playing before fan favorites are given to us. Yes, folks, it's true we have Mario. But sports games have been getting the shaft, and I'm sick of it. I am literally sick! I just vomited! It's not a tall order, Nintendo. Drop your kinky sex toys and give me Griffey Baseball. And Tecmo Super Bowl. Thanks.
The ninjas are combatting!
Nintendo Wii: Revolutionary or Gimmicky?
Dan's Take
Great concept for a system, except, Nintendo and the LSD-soaked Japanese programmers are taking care of the games.
What could make it better:
1. New graphics drive - pretty is required these days. Damn kids.
2. Stop it with the cracked-out games. Seriously, I get scared watching Mario fly around using a lasso to find stars and his seventeen game cousins. Waluigi? What the hell kind of name is that?
3. VIOLENCE
4. MORE VIOLENCE
5. Develop a 3D headset. Build a game like World of Warcraft where players can now actually interact in the battles with the Wiimote(stupid). The game can also be deepened significantly using the data tracking in Wii Fit, for example. Players could play mini-games to "steal" information from other teams, i.e., knowing when they would strike or where troops are assembled. That would be worth losing a job, gaining 50 lbs, and developing diabetes.
6. Sell the game-production rights to EA/Capcom/Rockstar.
Great concept for a system, except, Nintendo and the LSD-soaked Japanese programmers are taking care of the games.
What could make it better:
1. New graphics drive - pretty is required these days. Damn kids.
2. Stop it with the cracked-out games. Seriously, I get scared watching Mario fly around using a lasso to find stars and his seventeen game cousins. Waluigi? What the hell kind of name is that?
3. VIOLENCE
4. MORE VIOLENCE
5. Develop a 3D headset. Build a game like World of Warcraft where players can now actually interact in the battles with the Wiimote(stupid). The game can also be deepened significantly using the data tracking in Wii Fit, for example. Players could play mini-games to "steal" information from other teams, i.e., knowing when they would strike or where troops are assembled. That would be worth losing a job, gaining 50 lbs, and developing diabetes.
6. Sell the game-production rights to EA/Capcom/Rockstar.
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