1. I am always right.
2. I am not biased in any way. Although I may be looking forward to seeing some movies more than others, there is nothing more overrated in film than trailers. I go into each movie with an open mind.
3. Each movie will be given anything between 0 and 5 stars.
4. Unless you want to start sending me money, I will not see every movie that comes out in the respective month. I try, but I’m poor.
5. Along with each review will be a Most Valuable Performance (MVP) and Least Valuable Performance (LVP).
Let the games begin.
The Dark Knight 5 Stars
Wow. The second Batman picture under the direction of Christpher Nolan does not disappoint. Aaron Eckhart, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and the brilliant Heath Ledger join the cast with Christian Bale keeping his role as the “Dark Knight.”
I’m not giving you a summary. Go see it right now.
MVP: Heath Ledger: The all-star cast, amazing script, and superb special effects make this a great movie. Add Heath Ledger as the Joker and it’s the best of the year. I hear Oscar calling.
LVP: Katie Holmes: Oh, wait!!! She wasn’t in this one!!!
Felon 3 Stars
Having never been to prison before (I’m cool like that), I can’t honestly claim that this movie showed everybody the “true” part of prison life. However, I can say that Felon showed a non-fairytale side of prison, and that scares me to death. After watching it, you will never want to step foot in a jail.
Stephen Dorff plays Wade Porter, a family man who basically gets F’d in the A by the judicial system. After being accused for involuntary manslaughter, he experiences the hell that is prison life. With insane inmates and two-faced prison gaurds, he has basically no chance of getting out alive (seems a little too extreme for me). The acting is sub-par in parts, and the story itself literally seems “unbelievable,” but the movie was an entertaining watch and Val Kilmer as John Smith brings a huge amount of power to the film.
MVP: Val Kilmer: You can’t tell its him. You just get more and more into his character.
LVP: EXTREME!!!
Hancock 3 Stars
Hancock had the horrible luck of being made during superhero uproar. It was a good movie, although I thought the script could’ve been better in places, but being among Iron Man and now The Dark Knight, it seemed to fade off in the crowd.
Will Smith created an excellent character in Hancock, but unfortunately, he saved this movie. Jason Bateman didn’t seem to compliment Smith well, and even though I love Charlize Theron, I thought she was a poor person to cast. The basic plot is, superhuman Hancock is bad, then sad, then good, then human, then superhuman again, then good because he’s bad. The End.
MVP: Will Smith: Comedic one-liners are delivered by no one better.
LVP: All-star cast: They should’ve built around Smith instead of adding Bateman and Theron
Mamma Mia! 1½ Stars
Meryl Streep’s a slut. Men singing and dancing with other men. 50 year old women acting like seventeen year olds. Bubblegum songs from the 70’s. This movie had no chance.
With her wedding day just around the corner, Sophie (Amanda Seyfried) wants to finally know who her father is so he can walk her down the aisle. Unfortunately, her mom’s sluttish ways has left her with three possibilities. Story seems simple enough, right? I’m sure that’s happened before in this world. But then all hell breaks loose. She invites them all to her wedding (weird), they all reminisce about how awesome it was to bang Maryl Streep (gross), and I hate to give it a way, but the movie ends with a series of quotes going something like, “I’ll be a third of Sophie’s life.” I almost threw up just writing that. Oh, and Pierce Brosnan sings. Thought you’d wanna know.
MVP: Amanda Seyfried: This “mean girl” is an extremely underrated actress and has without a doubt the best voice of the cast. She gave this movie 1 of the 1½ stars.
LVP: Pierce Brosnan: He is most likely the worst actor ever. Let’s make him sing too!!!
Meet Dave ½ Star
I want to kill Dave Ming Chang. This movie is guaranteed to be on my worst of 2008 list. The only reason I gave it half a star was because it is, in fact, a movie. That’s all it has going for it.
It’s the basic alien/end of the world movie where all life in the universe revolves around a little ball (which also stresses the message of “little people can do big things.” So cute). So the story in itself means nobody under the age of eight will enjoy this movie. However, it doesn’t stop there. The acting, effects, and “jokes” were all terrible, and I couldn’t tell if I hated Eddy Murphy’s “European” accent (Captain) more, or his alien mumbling (Dave). So, in the end, nobody under three years old should ever even consider watching this.
MVP: Elizabeth Banks: Hot
LVP: Everything else
Step Brothers 4 Stars
It’s a Will Ferrell movie. People who are expecting something different are dumb. It was hilarious. It was Ferrell’s best since Anchorman.
If you saw the trailer at all, you probably know the whole movie. That’s not the point. Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly play old step brothers who hate each other, then figure out that they are completely alike, which makes them best friends. Whatever normal step siblings would argue and fight about is in this movie, but the siblings are 40 year old men. And since the film is rated R, somewhat normal situations are made funnier with unnecessary F bombs and a certain lead characters testicles. An overall great movie.
MVP: Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly: Easy Choice. They are a great comedic duo.
LVP: It’s a Will Ferrell movie: Although that is what makes it so good, it has limitation to how good it can be.
The Wackness 2 Stars
It’s an independent film trying too hard to be an independent film. Director Jonathan Levine was probably thinking he was being “deep” and brilliant, but this has all been done before.
In 1994, Luke Shapiro (Josh Peck) is New York’s drug dealer who is trying to figure out who he is. In 1994, aging Dr. Squires (Ben Kingsly) just wants to be a kid again. In 1994, the two become best friends, who smoke pot and save each others lives. Oh in case you didn’t know, this movie takes place in 1994. I think they wanted you to know that which is kind of hard to do because that was barely ten years ago. The Wackness drags on and by the end you feel like you wasted 30 hours of your life.
MVP: Mary-Kate Olsen playing a hippie: It’s about time.
LVP: Josh Peck talking: All I heard was him bitching about how much it sucks to be alive. Keep on crying. I hear it helps.
i still wish Katie Holmes had stayed on board as Rachel Dawes for the Dark Knight; it was like the time spent getting familiar with her character in Batman Begins was wasted...
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