Monday, December 21, 2009

Pandora: Totally Realer Than the Moon

It's official: you need to see Avatar. In 3D and possibly on IMAX. But at the very least, scope Pandora out in 3D. Just how great does this film look? For an explanation, first allow me this tangent.

What is it with the moon? Seems fake, right? It just floats up there beyond our atmosphere, where no life exists. It's totally a prop. I mean, how many people can actually testify to walking on its surface, grabbing some killer Moon rocks, playing golf in zero gravity? 10? 20?

And the Moon isn't a special case. Every orb moving through outer space seems absolutely fake. Here's the hierarchy of how real these giant balls of stuff seem from my perspective.

Before Saturday at 6:15 PM at the Randhurst AMC:
1. Earth (absolutely real)
2. Moon (fake)
3. Sun (fake)
4. Mars (fake) (except for Olympus Mons. Can't make up something that badass)
8. Neptune (a giant ball of gas? WTF does that even mean? Whatever, science. FAKE)
113. Pandora (lol go away you nerds)

After Saturday at 6:15 PM at the Randhurst AMC:
1. Earth (absolutely real)
2. Pandora (might be real)
3. Moon (Ever seen Wag the Dog? Google it. It's a documentary)
4. Sun (Thanks for your "rays," "light-giver." Pffft. You are fake)

Avatar completely immersed and hypnotized me and the Jess for over two and a half hours. It really does seem like a real place, and I kind of want to go there and ride with the Na'vi. Is that bad? If it's not, at the very least I'm a huge nerd and I don't care.

MVP of this film other than Jimmy the Tyrant (proof) had to be Zoe Saldana. She was so convincing as the lead Na'vi chick that I forgot there was an actual human being acting out everything she was doing. Raise your hand if you saw Zoe Saldana emerging as a killer actress. Previous work (aside from Star Trek): Guess Who, Crossroads, Drumline, Center Stage. Woof. That's 8 hours of nightmare fuel right there. Nonetheless, she rocked it in Avatar, and she's part of the reason I'm seeing this baby again in IMAX as soon as I possibly can.

If you've seen this movie, nerd out over it in the comments. If you haven't seen it, refrain from crying nerd until you visit Pandora for yourself.

Bookmark and Share

UPDATE: 2 IMAX tickets for Avatar is actually a dynamite Christmas present, particularly for you ladies out there still looking for one more thing to get your guy. It should run you somewhere between 30 and 40 dollars for 2 tix. Make him buy the popcorn and candy, because what are you, a money printing machine? I don't think so. He's such a prick sometimes. Why did you even get him these tickets? Well, now you're in a horrible mood. You're going to hate the movie, break up with your man and hunt Luke down and kill him for wrecking your relationship. Merry Christmas.


  1. Pandora - been there. Smells like crap and the mosquitoes are TERRIBLE. Oh, and the fishing sucks.

  2. A critique by Harry Richard Carlson III

    Typical Lib bullshit of a movie. Lets make people feel bad for killing a creative spectacular way. Screw James Cameron. Most of his plot lines are big piles of scat molded into something that is somewhat pleasurable. In fact I ejected something yesterday that was more enjoyable than The Abyss. I'd much rather eat a plate of burnt Bigfoot dick hair than see this movie. Oh and to my man Trayser...CAAAAAAW!

    P.S. That was all a joke, it looks bangin

  3. You take the back about Drumline!