Wednesday, December 16, 2009
A Collection of Nicknames I've Held (With Analysis!)
The Nickname: Puke
The Cause: My name is Luke, which rhymes with puke. Kids are clever!
The Effect: This lasted for roughly a three year stretch between 3rd and 5th grade, so I honestly don't remember how I took this one. Considering I wore sweatpants every single day in elementary school (I'm not joking) and I also cried on a daily basis (again, not joking), I'll theorize that I didn't exactly cherish being called Puke.
Today, a few people still call me Puke every once in while, most of them being my older cousins. I can dig this. As I've matured, I've come to realize that I'm a badass and the people who call me Puke do it as a way to bond. At least, this is what I tell myself as I sob into my pillow before I go to sleep.
The Nickname: Gayser Beam / Truke Layser
The Cause: I think GB came from Pixar's flick, The Incredibles. There was a dead superhero named Gazer Beam (lol ummmm wut?), and my friends realized Gazer rhymed with my last name, Trayser. Ta-daaa!
As for Truke Layser, that's some simple rearranging of letters in my name. I embraced this one immediately.
The Effect: Both nicknames were founded when I was in college. Gayser Beam didn't last long, but some people still use it sporadically. In fact, a chick at work called me Gayser about an hour ago, which led to the inspiration for this blog post. Thanks, you giant beej full of spooge!
As I said, I embraced Truke Layser immediately, as it was easily one of the most badass nicknames I've ever had. That was my tag on XBox Live, which led to countless illiterate and racist 11 year olds pronouncing the name "Truck" right before I wrecked their shit in Halo.
The Nickname: Big Smooth
The Cause: Someone called me this a few months ago on my Facebook wall, and I promptly decided I loved it and told my friends to start referring to me only as Big Smooth. They were shockingly unreceptive to the request. HOWEVAH, after I shared my love for being called Big Smooth, a guy from a summer basketball team (that played in Italy. No big deal) who I hadn't talked to in years said that he had just watched game film from the tournament in Italy and I was, in fact, the Big Smooth.
CHALK ONE UP FOR BIG SMOOTH!
The Effect: This is definitely not a legitimate nickname. I just wanted to put it here to make myself feel better. There are some brutal ones ahead.
The Nickname: Stormin' Norman
The Cause: My middle name is Norman, which I got from Grandpa Norm. Sadly, I never got to meet him (I hear he was awesome and would have loved grandkids). He died on August 29th, 1981 and I was born on August 29th, 1983. Bittersweet day. Unless you hate me, in which case it's a fully bitter day.
I started being called Stormin' Norman in middle school, presumably not because of General Norman Schwarzkopf, but because of Chris Farley's SNL portrayal of General Norman Schwarzkopf.
The Effect: Take a lesson from me, kids. If you hate a nickname of yours in middle school, you're very likely screwed, because middle school is horribly awkward, it absolutely blows and every kid is a giant douchebag milkshake just trying to get through the day without audibly farting or having his voice crack. BUT, you could try embracing the nickname. This probably won't keep the aforementioned milkshakes from using it, but you might actually grow to like the name, thus giving yourself a smoother middle school ride.
I did not embrace Stormin' Norman. Every time I heard it I became exactly like The Waterboy, but without the college scholarship. Also, I had no Vicky Valencourt because I still periodically wore sweatpants and had a mushroom hairstyle. Kind of like Rihanna, except not at all hot.
The Nickname: Nose / The Nose / Nosehead / Nice nose, shithead
The Cause: My brother and I each inherited very large heads (which gives us better balance and more brainpower for blogging). As for the nose, one of my best friends in the whole wide world randomly decided one fateful day that I had a huge schnozz, even though I'm fairly certain it's one of my few facial parts that's not abnormally large. I petitioned that my nose was not actually that big. Guess which argument won.
The Effect: Here's an example of someone trying to embrace the nickname. I hated this one in high school, so I changed my screen name to Nosehead4Life (which it still is. Ask me if I was asked for my screen name in the first week I started my new job, causing everyone in the office to wonder why I was hired. Go on, ask me!).
The Effect: I eventually came to accept the nickname, and doing so taught me to laugh at and make fun of myself, something I was horrible at before. This new trait led to my cultivation of a sense of humor, which you might say led to this blog. Diamonds start as coal, son! Just ask Incubus.
Feel like revealing your most hated nicknames? I'd love to hear them. Write that comment. DO IT NOW.